“Loki Moves On. Leap Day 2020 Is Here.”

Greeting ya’ll.  This one is going to be a doozy.  Sat Nam.

owl rainbow

It’sMe. Holly Elaine King Date Entered 2.29.20

 

It’s Leap Day. I am jumping over a broom.

 

Actually, not really. I am moving in with a man. A friend really. Gregory.

 

Gregory has offered to come in and save the day for me. I had to make a few adult decisions recently and after dating my childhood bestie for over a year, I am going to make “a” leap to live with him. Finally. After three false starts. Why?

 

Well, I am scared.

 

But I have to make some big girl boss decisions and make a choice to save, time, money and aging investments and move in with him. Also, I do love him.

 

Love is love.

 

And he too, has to make GREAT changes for this endeavor. Ten years a man cave. That is is ALL I am going to say about that. LOL:>)

 

But here is the kicker.

 

I knew I would eventually come back home to the South-end. That is why I did not up to Montana ya’ll. I fought to stay here. ……..I lost my marriage over it and a few other key tragic events.   Empath. Need I say more? Unfortunately for me, I was left with a monster home life mess. I was left holding the bag. OUCH.

 

And Gregory is a good man. A bit messy so I named him pigpen. Really, it’s Pickle but Snoopy had a friend named PigPen and that is G’s tag now. Messy.

 

And I am still wounded from my last experience but I need help.  It is either loose my apartment or my practice over the mountain climbing (currently trying to climb) or my thriving practice.  (My business costs me over 70 % of  my income).  I am growing this practice into an evolving system of holistic healing arts and I am not about to let go now because my insurance rates are high as are my taxes.

(I am single now) with no dependents and as mentioned before, I have a student loan on my daughter, a car loan, rent, utilities, insurance, more insurance, taxes, more taxes, food, advertising, membership dues and business debt from being the SOLE provider of three humans in the first three years of business.  Am I real ya’ll?  Yes, I am.  Can I get an AMEN for sticking it out! Yes, I can……..:) #bossbitch

And my heart was recently broken.  A few times.  I work fast.  LMAO!

But I have forgiven “He”, who had broken my spirit.

When my ex- left he left me with a mountain of growing debt, a single tax status, a car loan, a student loan and an every evolving practice. Of which, he would be established as visionary responsible. Oh well.  Life goes on.

 

I have to move into a new place in my life and I need to be willing to compromise in order to do good work and to grow as a woman and let my pains go. It is nice to have a friend where I can do that and Gregory offered me a place in his home.

 

After my divorce not only did I realize I was solely responsible for my self now and my practice and I was alone. I had NEVER lived alone. I ate more sugar this year than the law allows and I sent myself into a dietary debaucher. I inflamed myself with tears and salt, sugar and caffeine, wine and bourbon. (Moderate amounts.) Like ½ of everyone I know. Party on Garth but the fact its, I do not live alone well. I am too sensitive. I need to have a warm relationship to come home too. Gregory feels like me and we see each other 3 nights a week so we are doing to co-exist.

 

You see, I am at a crossroads in my business and my home and I could only afford to hang on to one of the entities because they both cost A LOT of money. I chose to save the practice.

 

However flipping 30 massages a week plus running my now marketing, networking, classes and organizations and paying taxes, is all encompassing and I need a personal life as well, and the universe says, “It is time.” Then why am I public in posting this? Because people care about me. I care about me. And I am a writer.

 

As a woman, I have troubles as such any woman would. We are all strong and weak at the very same time. We are generally gender supportive and resourceful. We work odd jobs, we help the planet heal and we have corporate responsibilities. We need hugs, kisses, nice meals and comfort. We need space to grow and weave and we need companionship or we may die. We may wither away like a weeping willow. We need mortal justice if we have been sexually or emotionally abused and we need friends. (THIS ALL GOES THE SAME FOR A MAN.) JUST SAYIN’

 

My children are struggling to find their path, I do not like living alone and Loki gets board. Thank you Emily for helping me pack last night.

 

So, on March 28th out I go. I move back to Beechmont. I gave a written notice to my landlord yesterday. I was scared. (I said that once already.)

 

Why?

Because I am the woman at the well and I think when Jesus said, “Go and sin no more.” He meant, don’t run off and get married again. Try on the bike.

 

Gregory, “What are you doing?”

 

That is the statement his mom said to me when we talked last. She said when I was five years old, Gregory would be tinkering with his bike and I would be pecking him on the shoulder asking him what he was doing? I bothered him.

 

I chased him. From age 5 to 13 he was my heartthrob. If a child could know one. Now that I think of it, he was one of three boys on our street. Opps……lol. J

 

And now, we are living together. He has PRACTICALLY RIPPED his entire life apart for me. And, if I could count the tears I have shed on his shoulder, you would be jaw dropping right now…..I cry a lot.

 

But, I think in the long run, living a mad dash to save my business, my practice, my health and my heart, Gregory makes it worth my time to move in with him and try to love again. I love him for his soul and we have a HUGE spiritual connection. We say to each other, “We are cleaning up some weird Karma.” Ok.

 

We know it.

 

We know we are as imperfect as they get but we keep running back to each other. I have left him 5 times in one year. Mostly because I have tried to date other people (Like everyone said to do) but I need someone to hold me when I cry. He is an empath too, so here we go. I’d like to call it two independent soul’s co-existing not co-dependent. I am very independent now. I am going against what most clinical shrinks would say is normal. But I am going to save my ass and my practice.

 

I am also, going to try to love again and help him too. He knows we have a great understanding of boundaries and I have big energetic ones now. I am a woman. Hear me roar.

 

Trust. Value and Compromise is the key as is dating. How would two “almost 50 year olds” make their way working in this world without some help from our friends. And with benefits.  We are not getting any younger. And……

 

To marry first is tragic.  It is.  And I am a minister saying that.  But with my track record I do not agree to marry first.  That is a time bomb waiting to explode.

 

To not see if you can take putting the toilet seat down EVERY TIME and be ok with it. To clean up a home and plant flowers and mow grass and sleep in a real bed again. Co-existing.

 

So, what about other opportunities? Is it too soon to say forever? I have no idea.

 

And I am open with that statement.

 

I have a boyfriend and I have a business and I have a hurting heart. I still love my second husband and a few other men (in very different ways) and love has only part to do with it. Gregory knows I am broken and that I have a strong heart string when it comes to relationships.  I asked God to help me value males this year after my own struggles with divorces and he understands why I am building male friendships as well as female.  It is healthy for a woman who has been hurt many times to get to know how guys think outside of marriage.

He, Gregory, is a friend first. We promised this over a year ago when we met again and we are one year out from experiencing much loss.

He lost his Merle.

And his brother. To drugs. (He won’t mind me sharing.)

Our special place will be David’s Grave. David is a Phoenix. Scorpios finest man. I am so glad I got to see him again before he left. David and I have an “understanding” on this plane. Think Mediumship. Yup. He hangs around Gregory. As does his Daddy.

 

Gregory gets me and my crazy ability to intuit loved ones on the other side.  It is a gift.  I learned from my ex how important is is to create boundaries for the other side but some I let in.  It is for a healing purpose. It is not witchcraft.  It is being a channel for love.  And we are learning to love.  Love.  Just Love.  The bible says there are a great cloud of witnesses cheering us to the other side.  Look it up.

 

The moral of my mortal story is this. I am moving out, moving up and I am going to bring my energy back to Louisville’s South End. Reiki Reiki Reiki.

It’s Me.

Holly King.

Taking the Leap.

 

“For Medley.”

 

Leap Year 2020
The BIG MOVE!

“High Noon on a Full Moon in Leo. That Moment of Truth In Your Life.”

Lion and Lamb in Cloud

Greetings Reader.  It’s Me.  Holly Elaine King.  And I am about to show you what it’s like to live a life of grace and ease in a vortex of uncomfortable flesh and I am about to come forth on some serious personal topics.

In doing so, on this 2020 Full Leo Moon, may the Universe offer me center stage while I contemplate and write about my own prophetic gifts and may “God” give me the words to be authentically REAL while I promote my Spiritual Journey as I live in the painful experiences of my current state of affairs.

You see, most of the time when I “blog” in the first person, it makes people uncomfortable.

I own several content driven blogs and a host of Social Media folios and sur-names starting with my writer’s name, Eleanor Elaine Phoenix where I write fiction and channel dark poetry so I can process the pain of my real life experiences. Her name came from a vision I had back in Jeffersontown, Kentucky around 2012 as I sat at a tombstone in the central graveyard praying with the dead that spoke to me.

You see on that night, my ex-husband who was a card carrying, business professional medium who channeled for the dead, had blown up my phone on a day when I was closing the “salon” and was frantically telling me that some dead woman named “May” was bothering him.

May, was a female spirit that had come to him in a vision while I was at work and he said she was a historical figure in the history of the city and she wanted to talk to me. May led me to Edgar Allen Poe which lead me to Lenore which invited me to create a nom de’plum, named Eleanor Elaine Phoenix while I sat at the gravesite of her 1800 cemetary plot and realized I was going to become a writer of sorts one day.  That day is now.

According to the vision I would use the pen name Eleanor Elaine Phoenix to write about subject matters that make folks uncomfortable.  Death.  Medicine.  Healing.  Magic.  Arts.  Truth about social lies and religious arguments and deep dark history about our culture.

Elaine, my matriarchal family name goes back back five generations.  It goes back five generations to five generations of mentally and emotionally (and physically) abused women.  Just ask my grandmother about why her daddy liked to burn her with cigarettes when she was a toddler.  Do you think that comes up in my cellular matrix?  Science says it does.

Only my mother was skipped in the receiving of the middle name Elaine so lucky be to her for missing the curse of the meaning of the name. Elaine means one who dies with unrequited love of Lancelot in the Arthurian legend.  It also is a sister name to the name Helen.  (My aunt who was born on the same day as I yet, 60 years before me exactly.)

My great-grandmother, Helen’s sister, hated her real name Einee (if I spelled it correctly) so she changed her name to Elaine and named my grandmother Joyce Elaine and my mom named me Holly Elaine so I named Emily the same middle name and so on.  So I used this middle name to help heal my line of mothers and grandmothers in my writings.  The Word of God speaks.

Phoenix, is my Scorpio Rising power and my ability to rise higher than the flames of life which hope to lick my toes as I ascend closer to the next life, which is my permanent Spiritual life.  I am a Phoenix, rising from the ashes of a hard knocks life.  I am rising and I will soar with wings of Eagles and I will run and no longer grow weary of my steps.

This female version of Edgar Allen Poe came to me in a vision and told me I would be a great writer someday but to be mindful of the content written when it pertained to shadow work. Jungian Shadow Work is a modality used by Carl Jung when it came to matters of the Mind and leans into the psychology of our conscious egos.  (Leo is full of Ego but for a regal purpose.)   So again, here I am.  This kind of writing helps heal the soul of past damage from many generations before us.  It does indeed carry over into our matrix.

Spiritual Coach, Eckhart Tolle refers to the mental health of a human being in distress “the Pain Body.” and we all have one and now, that I am very confident in my work as a Karuna® Reiki Master Teacher (on May 3rd it will be official provided I stand) and to me my friends, this level of attunement is super freaking important for my own healing as well as the healing of the planet now.

All this happened right about the start of my Reiki Path. At that point, I was freeing myself from unwanted religious pressures, and over time it was God, which really did open my eyes to “other energies” and their intentions and as a God Fearing, Jesus Loving Christian Woman who loves ALL religions as equal too, I am in a place of ministry when it comes to all people, not just one denomination.   No one is right and the hatred I experienced as a child of God in the church no longer as a hold on me.

I have been told, I share too much.  Do I?  That was what the preacher said.  But he would not let me speak unless my husband gave me permission.  Sorry…..

I have been told I am a rock star and a strong and empowered woman.  Am I?  I don’t know yet.  The jury is out and my words haven’t quiet hung me yet.  Yet.

Maybe I am just a plain “Jane” of sorts thinking about all the things I have lost out on in life promoting pity and sorrow for my story verses placing forth the intention and energy toward all that I can hope to gain by being me, Holly Elaine King and writing about the emotional pain I have experienced in the last few years of my life, that someone out there will find their healing path too.

I find it is a terrible shame to stop women from using the cycles of the moon and our incredible gift of spiritual knowledge to stop us from evolving into the healers that many of us are.  Of all things truthful to say, I am more than a conqueror but I will not hate on any mortal human being every again, including my ex-husband, a mad terrorist or even, a man who thinks women’s empowerment is witchcraft.  Dude, you must be off your rocker here.  We need these healing arts to set the World back into balance.

You see we decide.

We women decide what light we would like to show people when we are on stage and now I will offer you some key points to healing, health and wellness when it comes to one tragic story that really is not so tragic after all.

I am, a force of nature just like everyone else and my Lion and Lamb are now embedded in one human body.

If indeed there is a devil after my soul, then I pled the blood.  If indeed the prophecies of Pentecost are indeed true, we are here at the crossroads of artificial intelligence and autoimmune disorders which plague women by the thousands.

Maybe my journey to self love and my massive weigh loss also fostered my highly sensitive traits as an empath and I am only here to help other empaths understand the power of selfless love.  All my life, my mental health monsters used to cry “red alert” when I had to argue the point that we are all made up of energy and our genders did not matter but our heart do.  How you treat someone at home and behind closed doors is all about integrity and truth.  It is time we have more truth and Leo executes the confidence to be not afraid for the Lord is with thee.  Jesus is MY Lion of Judah and I open my mouth to say, no one is perfect and no one is right but everyone is important.  Even those that we cannot be with forever and ever on this plane.  It is time to start forgiving myself and others for the pain body that has surfaced in my life the last few years.

They say that March comes in like a Lion and goes out like a Lamb.  Well, let’s hope the next few weeks are indeed a time of action, change and mental/ emotional rest for mortal animated carcass.   I need peace.

As I sit here at the coffee shop waiting my 2:30 Monthly Therapy session, I ponder about the future while I let go of the past and I marvel at the arrangement of how my life is going.

And while, Twenty years ago I was raising a small baby and listening to my daughter talk about Barbie’s best outfit while she wore pink and blue hippy beads around her neck and dressed her brother in a cheerleading costume.

Now she is off fighting a demonic addiction of which I can do nothing short of praying about and her brother is out there being his own Millennium Human Genome Musician Project and stands me up for breakfast quite often.  I mean, he is only 20 so eventually he will see how important a mother’s love is even if he is different in his willingness to connect.  The last three years of his home life were a living hell.   I forgive myself.

You see, for the last 20 years of time, in my World, we have been fighting Spiritual Demons that were offered to us under the confines of a Pentecostal Church and a Baptist upbringing that said if I was not perfect that Hell would await my soul and that Satan was here to kill me and in fact, sometimes, I feel as if I should die.  I forgive myself.

The pain of seeing your mortal children suffering is unexplainable and makes you wonder if you did something wrong.  The church speaks so highly on generational curses.  However, now I know better.  It is not my fault what my adult children decide to do with their lives or curate in the compass of their adventure on Earth. I forgive myself.

This is why I go to therapy.

I know have the ability to sort out all my personal Sacral shit out with my “thaumaturgurgist,” I bounce back to reality like a tigger in search of a new friend.  My life is getting better and brighter after a very dark age of tragic emotional events.  I forgive myself.

WE ALL HAVE TRIGGERS.  Just sayin’.  And my autobiography is becoming quite the literary and I am unashamed to say so.  The Lamb in my life is now present and all of the hard work and self sacrifice is starting to pay off in my mind.

Just because I am also a therapist, does not mean my home life is not challenging and that I do not have much to learn when it comes to creating boundaries with anyone really.  Especially my DNA and sexual relationships (husbands mostly).  I forgive myself.

But is is NOT to say I am still not hurting.  I am.  I am just channeling the vessel and the vices with prayer and mindfulness and I am unwinding myself from the traumatic conditioning of my past.  Roles and titles included.  (Wife, Mom, Daughter, Woman.)

2019 is a past I will soon not forget.  But 2019 is the year I will always remember as painful self-actualized justice.  And now, as the Moon completes her cycle with Leo the masculine Fire Sign, born to us proud and confident,  I know if I keep sharing my truth and I keep practice the healing arts as directed, the peace that passes all understanding will be mine to keep for eons to come.

There is more that I want to say but for now, I will keep it here.  The Lion and the Lamb are a part of my story and my history.  I am thankful for Leo Moon to be so bright and so bold as to remind me that I am a daughter of a King.

I am Holly Elaine King and this is my drive thru life.

Namaste.

 

“2020 Will Not Be The Same As 2019. Learning To Mask The Pain No More. Raising My White Flag of Mercy, To God.”

Greetings Reader.  Greetings.  It’s almost 2020.  Do you know where you emotions are?  I do not.  They, are lost at sea.

White Flag and Emotions.jpg

The next few sentences may or may not make sense to you, my reader.

For most of you, it will make sense.  And for those that stray off in the beginning, keep reading.  This is not a cry for help or pity.  This is a woman writing a blog who has gone through a lot of changes in one year.  All, by my own choice and my own doings.  (sort of.) 🙂  And, I (she) is an emotional creature.  Or was.  Until now.

Over the last few days, I have encountered many new things.  I have dealt with some old things.  I have worked on burying the past (for my own benefit) and resurrecting the future (of which is ridiculous) because really, you cannot do that.  The Future is not here yet.  So why do we worry so much about it?  I guess it is because of the fear of being alone and as someone who has never been on her own, not once, I fear it.  Or did.

My mind and body have been on High Alert, well, ever since my divorce.  (And, honestly, two years before that).  And now, I have to face the cold hard truth that sometimes you just have to throw up the white flag to God and Surrender to more change so that the hope of the pain of the past will ease away.  (And, it will.  Eventually.  Someday.)

But before I spill my guts here let’s be perfectly clear.  I am happy.  I am whole. I am enough.  I am, Holly Elaine King.  This, is my drive thru life.

If I look back at some of the writings from earlier this year, there is one serious pattern of co-dependency happening here and I have been lost in the survival shuffle. I have been lost in grief, suffering the loss of my 15 year marriage, while collapsing head first into two of my previous past life relationships meant to replace or restore me from the tragic damage due to the latter love.  It’s not working.

Why?  Because, God wants me to lean on him and take care of myself.  First.  So, no more serious relationships for ONE YEAR.  2020.  The year of NOT changing my status button on Facebook anymore.  I am now single.

I choose to be single starting right now because:

  1.  I still cry myself to sleep at night missing Ed.
  2. I still throw my fist up at God and ask him what the hell happened?
  3. I still find myself running in and out of my little apartment trying to find something to do, when the walls are quiet and the night gets late after a long and rewarding, yet tiring day.  Then, I binge eat.  Or did until I realized I created an imbalance in my body and damaged my lower intestines this year.  Oops.

You see, more than anything this year I have learned a few things.

That I subconsciously associate “Food and Fear” with Male relationships and I eat because of the fear of being abandoned.  The correlation with food and men for me is incredible.  Even the word correlation breaks down co-relation.  (Codependency to food and men.)  When my Daddy left me at the age of 5, I started to binge eat then.  By the time I was in the 4th grade, I weighed almost 120 pounds.  I was fat.  I was hiding my fears in my food intake.

You know what?

That shit is going to stop.  Now.

Another reason I choose to be single right now is because the little bit of time I have to myself needs to be divided up between self care (so I can care for my clients and be present, strong and healthy at work) and my children AS MUCH I CAN NOW.  I say as I can because of the following reasons:

  1. They are both grown adults with their own choices and I am not a mom that can, or will enable them.  I have given my life to parenting for 30 years exactly.  As an 18 year old mom, I sacrificed many things, to be sure my daughter had her needs met.  When my son came along, the financial struggle was real and after my life was turned upside down after divorce number two, I thought everything was going to be ok, and that my prince charming had arrived when I met Ed, so I married him.  For security purposes only.  For 12 years thereafter, I had the best marriage and best friend I could have ever asked for.  Then, he got sick.  Then, I got sick too.  It affected us all.  By August of 2018, we were separated, back and forth for the rest of the year and I was totally lost in my mind.
  2. The reason I got sick was because I was FORCED into working twice as hard to keep the bills paid while I sat back and watched a two and a half year battle of the man I loved, tear open his fears and rejections and suffer wildly with post war time PTSD and Traumatic Brain Injury hearing loss and Depression.  Not to mention, the anger that was present under the circumstances and well, if your spouse is angry, you will become angry too.  And what do you do when you are angry?  You fight.  You fight with each other and if you add fuel to the fire when it comes to a loss of communication it gets real ugly.  He went deaf, and I did not know sign language and we had more trouble seeing eye to eye than anyone could have ever imagined.  We fought with the government over his case and we lost the battle as a family trying to survive a financial crisis.  We fought a system that just did not see us well and as a secondary care taker, I am sorry, you just don’t get time to rest and relax when you have to pay your LG & E or put food on the table.  I deduced myself to funny selfie moments, holding a blue toilet brush begging anyone to let me clean their John, while I pounded my way through Massage Therapy school.  I had only one choice.  To trust that God had called me to this work, and that he would make a way, or shit and get off the pot.  I made it.  But my marriage did not.  Husband finally got his benefits at the last second and ran off, well, with another “agenda” and started a new life after ours had ended in a cruel mental health war and our home become riddled with internal deception.  (Both of us guilty as charged because we were both trying to survive something that is almost unheard of. Deaf Man, Hearing Wife.)
  3. In light of a one year anniversary after the demise of my marriage and relationship, I am just now able to look at the financial aftermath of said events, and see that the work has paid off and I can take care of myself.  Barely.  But I can.  It will get better.  As a matter of fact, it has gotten so much better now that I have proven that Massage Therapy is more than just a rub down.  It is a healing art.  And it has helped me heal inside but man, is it a slow process.

So, then you may ask, what about all this hoopla’ with a new boyfriend and a place to call home.  Nope.  I am not ready.  And he is not ready either.  He is not ready to give me space so that I can heal and find my way and in all honesty, I look really good on the outside, but my insides are shredded.  Today, I stopped the relationship in it’s tracks because I have less than one week, to make some new year’s resolutions and being in a long term commitment and being someone’s all and all, is not on the 2020 plans for me this year.  I am wounded.  And I cannot support another person who has yet to figure out why they too, are depressed.  It’s sad but it’s true.  Misery loves company.  I have to not create misery nor, can I be a part of it.  It was fun to try my hand at new relationships but dammit, I am not ready to take on someone else’s expectations of me.  ( I am not ready.)

What I do love most about raising my white flag to God (Spirit, Universal Mind, or whatever you want to call it), is that I can make Jesus Christ my new lover.  In tradition, I call on Jesus in my darkest hour.  (not forcing the name on anyone else.)  Jesus is really the only guy I can trust right now.  I have so much work to do on my co-dependency issues and food addictions and it is time.   I also, have to find the time to pray for my children and their struggles without falling prey to their demons, while I am battling my own.  This year my daughter and son, are being tested by fate to find out who they really are and how they too, can overcome adversity on their own, with God.  They have their own flags now, and they have to decide when to waive them and come up for air.

I am a very strong willed, independent, driven and educated woman who falls head over heals in love so very easily.  I don’t yet know why I fall so hard.  Or am I just afraid to be alone?  I think I am.

I guess I am either really vulnerable or gullible or a mix of both.  I think I am.

I think I am subconsciously afraid to be alone and die alone yet, I am good at pushing people away too.  And you know what, I need to.  I do not need to be in a long term commitment with any human being and if I find the need that I DO need to date, casually if and when, time permits, then it will be on my terms with no strings attached.  I love to get to know new people.  I need NEW people in my life.  No attachments and No Stupid Shit.  So, if you read this and you are looking for a girlfriend, do not look here.  I am dating myself in 2020 and I will fall in line with the other ladies who have been shot out of the codependency cannon this year and are tired of trying to fix, manage and control everyone else’s happiness.

This year, my new year’s resolution is to find Peace in not being in a relationship and see what God wants me to do for my hurting children, if anything.  They need love and I have some to give, but I will not sit around and expect them to grow up over night. I have to keep moving on.

Don’t get me wrong.  I will go out.  I will have fun.  I will make new goals for my business and my personal life and I will take on year number two, without Edward, in stride, but I need another year to make some time for me.

Everyone that knows me knows the truth about how much I have had to carry these last few years and the support for me personally has been incredible.  But as a therapist, what makes me such a good listener for my clients, is that I “hear” what they are saying when it comes to stress, pain and emotional anxiety even if they do not say a word about it.  Body language matters.  I learned that when I learned all about sign language even if it was a crash course for dummies.

The End.  2019.

Holly

 

 

 

 

 

“Like A Pocahontas! A Woman’s Friend.”

Photo on 11-7-13 at 4.06 PM.jpg

Good Morning and Greetings Reader.  This is me.  Little.

This is me looking like a bag of potatoes because I WAS in a potato sack.  That thing would make a great skirt.

But this little girl became a Spirit Warrior.  One who KNOWS.

One who sees life become brighter and happier when we keep on trucking.

Driving through my life is such a priceless experience.  I get to FEEL.  I get to work within my own Shadow and my shadow is sometimes this little girl.  There was much happiness in this photo.  I “felt” innocent.  I get to be a Pocahontas.  Just look at that Hair!

But then the Big Bad Wolf In My World came in and I married, and married, and married, (no this is not a repeat word on an accidental.)  And now, since Deeeee-voriced.  And it has sucked.  Just saying.  But………………

Now since, becoming a STRONG and Engaging Prayer Spiritual Friend and Warrior for the cause I have become  A Woman’s Friend.  Once who can say, “Yep, girl, I feel that.” And then we hug.

me

I announce to be a Single now.  A FORCE of Nature I cannot control.  So don’t ask…….My Spirit Requires me to do work that will help to go back and heal this little girl.  The girl I knew before daddy left.  No man is safe in these waters.  Until, she reads Carl Yung.  😉

I guess that is why I love Elizabeth Taylor.  She is adorbs……

The moral of the story is this.  Yesterday, I (WE) ladies in our circles lost a good friend.  Not to a good way out.  But is there ever a good way out?  Regardless, the drive through life you see on social media isn’t always in real time.  Slow down and smell the roses.

May God and Goddess Bless and Love us here in our HomeTown.  The hometown that Holly Drove Through and we will miss you gurl. Praying for all involved.

#forjill

Holly King

 

“Hope Floats.”

Hope Floats.  And so does poop.  Sometimes.  Sometimes it is an indication that something is seriously wrong in the body and shows us we have to eliminate some serious toxins from the body.   Sometimes the body becomes under so much stress that our poop becomes very sick and we cannot hold our bowel.  This is an indication that the body needs rest.  From something.  A Detox is not a pretty thing.  Never was.

Hope.jpg

Today, I have been watching an incredible force of nature go through a transformative event.  It has impacted my body greatly.  I always tell people I am empathic and that is what makes me such a great therapist.  I can SEE how much pain goes in and out of our troubled waters (NO POOP PUN intended) but to really understand the physical, mental and spiritual transmutation of energy from one source of life-force to another is painfully incredible.

I find myself at times in so much shock at what the body and the mind are capable of, as an empath, like a mother trying to save a duckling she will walk precisely out in front of the oncoming car if she is not careful and BAM, Duck Roast.  (Sorry Vegan Fellowships).

You realize when you wake up one day how connected you are really to another human being and the art of human touch can pass on emotional responses to another just like a germ.  Or, like a seed.  I like the seed concept because as a massage therapist, I touch an average of 100 clients a month AND, I require much self care.  I get it.  I do my work.  So I can do good work for others but sometimes I have to hide and rest too.  It is normal.

Now, positively speaking God is working with me on a very large does of patience and trust and has offered me a deep spiritual awakening.  Through the maneuvering of events in the last 48 hours, and a lack of sleep and peace came by my door.  But what this lie of lack attack did not know is that I had an angel at my side all night as well and her name was Hope.  (Or is Hope shall I say.)

Hope is able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.  Today, I saw Hope as I sat in my car and cried for over an hour and watched her fly by me in the form of a bird.  I saw Hope in several falling leaves.  One by one, I saw the leaves drop down, suspended in a whirl of golden color.  The leaves will fade soon and the colors will come but they will fade.  But do you know what will not fade?  Hope.

Hope floats through the air like the smell of poop I am sure.  I like the smell of Hope way better than I like the smell of poop.  It is just preference.

Folks, those who know know it takes a strength and a courage to be vulnerable in a mass production world of materialism.  Resources?  Where are they?  Hope and Help in Kentucky? Maybe.  We will see.

Or am I stammering around today by myself wondering if Hope really exists?  No.  I am not.  I KNOW Hope Exists.  I see her with me right now as I finish my pity party and get the f’ back out to fight one more day.

Hope Floats in the life of many.  And if your poop not nice and semi-floaty brown, then consider why?  Our body is a huge science project as is our mind sometimes.  That is if you live without Hope.

I think if we live one more day with Hope floating by our side, our Mind will precisely be prepared when the unhealthy thoughts of doom come.  Guess what, I am in shock, I am tired, I am decompressing from SPTSD and I have Hope.

Reader, if you find you are an empath and you touch an infirmity from a human which shares the same DNA as you, you too, can contract the pain.  (Almost always.)  This is science.  So, in saying that remember, to be mindful of the days when you don’t feel well so you don’t pass anything destructive to your receiver.  Hug someone in the name of Hope even when they are sick, but send it on to God to be cured and transmuted into His Divine Marvelous Light.  That is Hope.

Now, take that Lack.  No time for a Lack Attack.  It’s time to Float on Trust and Hope.

Namaste.

“Happy Autumn Readers! Are You Ready To Play Dress Up?”

Greetings Reader!  Happy Autumn!  My Favorite Time of the Year.

Sexy Me Red Dress

 

Welcome to the ritualistic abating of the setting sun.

Are you ready for Halloween?  Are you Ready to Play Dress Up?  I am.  And I am a shape shifting phenom.

What do you think about my costume?  Biker Babe Gone Mad Scientist Bonkers maybe? 😛 

Actually, I had to shift my shape shifter into this powerful little leather and lace dress I found at a local consignment store for the low low price of $20.  I could not believe it.  All my life I wanted to wear a sexy little black and red roses leather dress with spaghetti straps and there she was.  Hanging on my face.  I took the little piece into the dressing room, tried it on, then squealed!  It worked!  I manifested my dream.

It wasn’t that I was trying to look like a street walker, or a trailer hoe, it was about looking like me.  (I had never street walked in my life but I did grow up 15 years with my kids on a house with wheels.  Who ever knew there were trailer parks on Taylor Blvd.?)  There are.

So here we are 20 years plus a 160 pound weight loss and my $20 prize was all mine to play dress up in and so, we photographed it.

I was so nervous to put something like “this” little get up on, and wear it in front of my camera man.  I think the sweaty goop I manifested that day under my armpits is still drying in his studio.  But, I was brave and at age 46 I did it.  I sported my shape shifted body after all those years and I started really thinking about myself and what I really wanted out of my story at this point in life.

I still do not know.

I am still shifting every day.

One minute I want stardom.

One minute solstice.

One minute I want to become more open about my views on life and human rights and the next minute I do not feel worthy to even vote because in the big picture I am not sure it matters.

We say it does.  But, does it?

2020 American culture clubs are all wearing their masks day in and day out trying to figure out where to punch the eye holes out for the upcoming Presidential elections.

And now, entering into the great and powerful millennial age of youthful executive bargain hunters, I have decided to take on a new challenge in 2020.

One that takes bravery.  It is called……………being myself.  Every day.

The joy of waking up each morning knowing that I am the master of my own messes and that I, and I alone, have the ability to remove any and all emotional disabilities from my path, so long as I focus on the potential positive outcomes. (PPOS)

It is time we “X” Gens begin to remove the masks we are wearing when it comes to empowerment and acceptance and show our millennials that we really do love them and we really do care.  But, they too, would do well to take some notes, that some of us are here to help guide them and they too, will become older and ill of health if they are not careful.  M’s are going really really fast into the future of technology and artificial intel.  And, I am trying to keep up.

So what is it I am really trying to say?

To be 46 years old, and post a picture like this while running a very busy Mind, Body, Spiritual Practice takes a lot of guts.  You are working with people from very different backgrounds and belief systems about our World.  My God, My God, yes, I am wearing fishnets.  Real live state of the art fishnets.  Someone call the yoga police.

Peoples……

We are all trying to figure out what we should eat, what we should drink. who we should hang out with and how much energy should we give to our our dreams and personal self care verses extending our light to others in an unlikely enigma such as co-dependency or totalitarian abuse.

To be so theatrical in my practice is on purpose not to frighten my audience but to enhance the power of creativity.

I am asking the M’s to see us crazy folk and listen to us open hearted X’s before we are all globally economically screwed because of the intense amount of stress produced in our daily lives.  We all need to lighten up.  We all need downtime and playtime.  We all need love.

We old folks can indeed be brave enough this Halloween season and play dress up with the young kids so we too, can find positive positioning for our future generations at let them see it’s to see it is ok to play when you get “old, right?”  (Ok, no I am far from old but tell that to my aching aging joints but those red heels were worth the sacral adjustment I had to have the next day from my Massage Therapist……)

Can we be sexy? Yes we can.

Can we be fun?  Yes we can.

Can we non-marrieds be safe in our dating relationships and extend laughter and mirth to others without being falsely judged on our appearance?  Yes we can.

To be quite honest, I see more femmie skin showing in high tower executive bargaining committees than I am showing in this pickle of a picture so take that…… haha.

I had the best time with my photographer making this photo shoot happen.

And I am so excited about the change of season so I can dress up when I want and not be seen as a kook or a hooker. :/

Reader, welcome to the best time of the year!  What will you be for Halloween?  Will you be Brave?  Will you Be Yourself?

Namaste.

HK

 

 

 

 

“Introducing The Fairy Godmother Effect in 2020.”

Greetings Reader.  Welcome to My Story.  My story has continued to reach readers since the summer of 2013 and I am shocked to see how time as flown looking back now at my drive thru life.  (Can I get fries with that shake?)

cropped-cropped-green-goddess-pose1

You see, dear reader, I have had many epic transformations these last 7 years, from my unexpected exit from my thriving career as a life and health insurance account executive to a tiny little market on the planet, in a field called the healing arts.  And of course also, one big bad wolf came to the door in 2018 and granted me the hardest thing of all these last sever years.  One big fat ugly partially blindsided thing we in America call, A Divorce.

I have found myself recently staring in the magic mirror many a day wondering where things went haywire.  I have yet to fully figure it out but in the meantime, my Fairy Godmother reminds me that I am safe, secure most days and, that I am still loved.

As a Licensed Massage Therapist slash Yoga Instructor slash Reiki Master Teacher slash Universal Life Minister, I went from pantyhose to yoga pants in the blink of an eye, or so it seems and as each day passes by post transformation, I am grateful for the magic that spawned all of the changes in my life and it is time for me to realize that even though I am now alone……..I am not really alone.  My Fairy Godmother is always with me and she effects me in a positive and a nurturing way.

And now, as we quickly jet forward toward the EPIC new year of 2020, I am going to introduce you to what I call, “The Fairy Godmother Effect” and how it changed my life.

And remember, this is My Story and My Happily Ever After that we speak of so any and all references to another party in My Story has the first right of refusal on how they perceived that the Story goes but I assure you after twenty years of journaling, I may have a few of the hard core facts dated and jotted down in a few inconspicuous places.  🙂

So what is this Fairy Godmother Effect that I speak of?

Read on to learn more.

During the summer of 2012, I was up early on a Saturday, kneeling on my knees cleaning around the kids toilet on a cold, ceramic bathroom floor.  I had my cleaning cloth in one hand and my spray bottle of cleaning solution in the other.  As I was wiping up the urine around the kids toilet (as any good mom of teen-agers who do nothing for you should do) I was frantically trying to clean up the home early in hopes that I would knock out my chores in time to spend some quality time with my mate.

I was sullen and frustrated at all of the mommy slave things I had to do and I was excessively tired from yet another 60 hour work week.  I was as drained as a working mom could be and I just wanted to get it all done so I could only hope to enjoy a day of self care and relationship balance.  I was tired of the same old cycle.  Work, Eat, Sleep, Clean, Repeat.

As I leaned in deep with my head pressing against the side of the porcelain johnny, I heard a voice coming from my OWN head that sounded much like an old women.   “Do not worry dear, I am your fairy godmother and I will provide for you a New Kingdom in which one day YOU will be able to Enjoy.  Just keep working.”  I could see her in my Third Eye as plain as day and I started laughing at my symptoms of madness and out loud, started chanting:

Cinderelly, Cinderelly Night and day it’s Cinderelly
Make the fire, fix the breakfast
Wash the dishes, do the mopping…….

You get the picture.

My anger and frustration slowly disappeared as I sang and I just continued to clean receiving a download of memories that Walt Disney intentionally planted into my childhood think tank.  It was then that accepted the fact that My Fairy Godmother was what skilled bloggers and writers would call, The Muse. 

The download of information about my life on this earth came pouring in and the thought patterns on who I could eventually become was incredible.  I had a futuristic glimpse of what it would be like to be crowned as a vocal woman willing to stand up for the sad truth that most of us were really bitter and tired of the lies about what the perfect picture of happiness should look like.

As recent as 2012, we ladies tried to thrive in a society that expected women to work long hours as corporate executives, holding massive amounts of responsibility all the while we were expected to clean, cook, take out the trash and create a sacred space for her home mates to enjoy, deal with the kids games, pay the bills and proctor daily routines.

Women have long since been viewed as an equal living partners with this perfectly MALE matched up mate, and without the help or consent of anyone or anything, have been given the authority to control absolutely….NOTHING.

It was in that moment that Fairy Godmother clearly had shown me, the Pumpkin Coach had not quite yet arrived and to listen to her when things got rough because no matter how much Walt Disney told me there was a once upon a time, he failed to capitalized on the pain of getting to the happily ever after.  Not until he released the details of the hard working efforts of his beloved Cindy back in 1950.

Cinderella was a product of abuse.  Family Abuse.  Cinderella was blindly hopeful that ONE DAY her Prince would come and swoop her away with such love and care that her rags would turn to riches and her ripped out converse would turn glass and sparkle like the crystal boots she had always wanted.  Oh, eventually He Did.  He came.  But I have to ask my Fairy Godmother a new question.

Did he really hold his end of the bargain up?  We do not know.

The story ended with her dancing her way into the Castle in her beautiful blue dress expecting to live happily ever after.  However, if she were American, I have a feeling she still had to clean up after their kids and pick up that blue toilet brush all over again.  No one really tells us what happens after the Mr. Prince on the White Horse comes to take her away from such morbid family abuse.  Chances are, they got a brutal divorce and their kids end up fighting over their public property and settlement agreements demanding the life insurance be left equally to them postmortem mom and dad.  Bummer.

Now, in answering your question, what is the fairy godmother effect?

A Fairy Godmother effect is the voice in your head that comes through as a magical figure with a job designed to mentor a young child’s life and give them a sense of guidance and direction when the parents are out and about doing Kingdom stuff.

When there is no one there to help you get the job done, FGM encourages us to keep working while the day of light and light of day exists and effects us in a positive way when things are not going well.

FGM reaches deep into the heart of the virginal one and protects the innocence of the heart when others do not.

FGM relates the chore to the reward and keeps the child focused on the prize.

FGM reminds the child to see beyond the rags of now and find truth in the natural side of life ensuring there is abundance.

FGM brings the birds and the bees to the ambrosia.

FGM speaks to her tender sacred offspring as if she truly birthed the child from the enchanted place in her heart and gives her hope that one day she will have a Beautiful Palace of her own.

FGM’s effect on a human being is priceless.

When the child is older, and cannot see FGM anymore, one of two things will happen.

Either the child will become morbid and dry over the loss of youthful spiritual guidance or something magical will happen and the Child will reconnect with the innocent spirit of FGM having lasting effects of hope and embellishment for the future Kingdom.   This is the effect of FGM.

So, in closing as I rewrite the story of my life in 2020 I am going to reestablish my relationship with my FGM because she lives inside of my heart and she clearly knows how hard I have worked for the purpose of the Kingdom.  The Effects of FGM started with me somewhere around 1976 and she returned unto me in 2012.  Now, she is back again seven years later and with seven dwarfs may I add. 🙂  Sweet!

Tonight, I am very grateful for that fateful day around the Porcelain Queen slaving over the urine my son dropped all over the floor.  It was the day I met My FGM.  She helps me with My Story Designs and I need her mentorship now more that ever.

And even now I can say, if my happily ever after pumpkin ride tumps over again and I have to return to cleaning toilets for a living should anything happen to me, I will just call an UBER and settle for a guy in a Ford Focus to pick me up and take me to a land far far away once my work here is done expecting nothing from him but a tote.

No matter where I go.  FGM will be with me hammering out these stories, help me to find healing light in my past and I am so grateful for FGM which is now the Muse in Me.

The End.

 

 

 

May 1st. “Mother May I?”

Power

Yes, Child, You May.

It is May.  Finally.  Not that I want to “rush” my life or anything BUT, since October 1st of last year, God showed me, this would be a Long,  Factomious* Winter.  Full, of drudge.

It was.   I had no idea how serious it was to be, but nonetheless, I made it to May.  You see, God also showed me that Spring of 2019 would be an epic year of coasting and I would start writing again.

Now, it is time to stop chasing after dreams that could be and start to live in the NOW.  In the Now.  And Now, It is May.  It is My. Now. May.

For Kentucky people (some of them) many of them, will be posting about horse racing and Louisville, Kentucky’s shining glory, the Finish Line, May 4th.   Saturday, May 4th, people will be partying and wining and dining, and betting and watching horses (bridled and stuffed with butt rags,) run their hearts out for a crown of Red Roses weighted on their back and Water.

Drinks will be spilling and Louisville commerce will be relishing in visitors and vomit.

I too, will be partaking of vine.  Well, bits of it.   #grateful

“So why be so crude about it Ms. King”?

Well, because I grew up precisely on Taylor and Berry Boulevards.  Yes, I walked the streets of 7th and Arcadia Ave. during the 1980’s and I darted my teen-age fat ass up and down the Americana Apartments watching the street hookers, hook.

One time, I even ran away for 6 hours one middle school day and hid in the complex from my mom (until it got dusky) then I ran 2 miles home, down Sale Ave. hoping not to get kid-napped as I faced the punishment of cutting school.

You know what else I did.  I played video games at the laundry mat behind the McDonald’s across the way from Churchill Downs.  I partied on Central Ave. at age 13 and got an ass whooping (one deserved….) for walking up there at midnight with friends looking like an 80’s chip-a-waw in’gin.  Feathers and Caps and Black Mascara and All.

(May I say in both instanced, my much older brothers caught me and told on me AND good for them.  No 13 year old girl had the right to be walking in the middle of the night in that drunken Derby mess.)  Mother May I?  No you MAY NOT!

My point, I have so many memories of our South End and tens of millions of dollars are funneling through those fantastic TwinSpires this week and the view is one of the the most beautiful sites on the planet and I even worked there for a while as I STRUGGLED to save my family from homelessness while I was in massage therapy school just four years ago.  It was fun.  Hard.  But fun.  It helped pay the bills. 

But recently, when the local facilities representatives had asked me to come do FREE chair massage for 8 hours a day and send two more people to help, I had to unfortunately say No.  “No I May not work that hard for Free as a therapist who barely makes the bills while you make millions of dollars.  No.  No I May Not. Sorry. Not Sorry.

But here is my real beef.  When the race tickets are flying in the air, and the staff are cleaning the stalls full of shit and piss and the horse crosses the finish line and the Uber drivers are counting there tips, (or not), then ask me this poised question when it is all over….

“Ms. King, are there any 13 year little girls running around barefoot on Taylor and Berry, poor and struggling in the ally’s to find healthy foods missing in icebox and is she stepping on heroine needles and listening to the cheer of the crowds on Longfield Ave.?”

My guess, is yes….

Mother May I go out and Play this May?

Mother, “No. You. May. Not.”

Sat Nam.

Truth is my identity.

#foodforthought #gobabygo #citycleanout #whenwegonnaseethetruth #southendgirlrising #someonehastoseeit #ministerymissionyoga #grantmoneynow #changethestreetsafterderbythistime #dosomethingdifferent #mothermayi #yesyoumay #freespeeech #pinkelephants #coffeewiththemayor

 

“Is Sniffly Season Over?” Stop Crying Girl and Wipe Your Nose.

Magically, We Move on.  And, well, this message is partially encrypted so only a few know how to follow my ratings for this Super Sunday Musing Mission, welcome April 7th.

Wiping our Nose, from?  Allergies.  Right.  

Allergies onset by Whipped Cream.  And Hot Cocoa.  And tears.  Lots of biter winter tears.

The crying (belly-aching) ensued on or about’s January 5th and, stopped yesterday.  Yesterday, all my trouble’s seemed so far away and it almost felt like Spring.  I noticed my post nasal dripping had begun to slow down.  And my balance and pain and heart rate is wee better.

Now if we can eliminate the belly pain and the tinnitus, we will be just fine.  A bayer aspirin a day helped.  NSAID.  Said What? N- Said What?

Vagus Nerve #10.  Something is wonky with my brain……:)  Duh.

 

toliet-paper

Girl, Blow your knows.  Nose, I mean.  Stop crying over what has been discontinued and start wiping the floor with your #badass-ness.  Did someone say New York City?  New York City.  Grab some TP.  The PTSD will settle over time.  But, it still is a bitch and I could have a bite.  SWEAT TIL YA BLEED

Ok, so nothing Ms. King said above may have made sense to most but the moral of the story is, I have been crying over my divorce and hurt my body emotionally but the healing needs to come so, we are moving on to say, I want so much to go on and on about what happened and why, but it matters no more and if I keep picking at the wound, thinking I will never survive without “him”, then I limit my next chapter.

Therefore, if you want to know the real story you will have to buy my autobiography and by the time I write it, I will be somewhere doing massage in New York.  The book will cost $29.99 with partial proceeds benefiting addiction recovery.  (how is that for specific intentions? 9O)

I want to write more in order to heal.  But my hands are in the practice daily since this is how we pay the bills and make that massage table all cozy for you, blog time is limited.  I am in school.  I have two cats.  I am trying to heal my relationship with my adult children. (Their mom is a Scorpio and Rising.) 🙂  However in the meantime, here you go.

The truth is, the first part of 2019, I have been fighting off some serious heart chakra blues ❤︎ my friends.  I am dreadfully happy to say, my life as a holistic practitioner is remarkable.   If you ask me anything about the body, I am gonna tell you.  Or find out.  I will exercise my way to the top or fall off of Yoga Mountain.  Savasana, IS my favorite pose and I do rest in between working and I have been doing more and more yoga to ease my emotional stress.

As the circle in my life begins to change, I will change also and let go.  I have to start over this April and April is about planting where you are bloomed.  And I am bloomed at home, but would like to travel at some point and share my story of life.

My passion is to see people NOT HURT.  And post-divorce thrice, to say I do not hurt in my heart chakra, is to lie.   But I have to see the bigger picture and some big things are about to change for my office and my health.  I am learning as I go.

I will not let in so easily with Love next time, nope.  But I am currently surrounded by fierce friends, families and clients, who know, that what does not kill you makes you stronger.  Dating is a choice and “I” will be more selective with whom, I spend my time out with.  And besides, I am busy.  I am a fierce protector of my practice and will be focused on the healthcare ladder climb.  Raise the Emotional Flag Ya’ll!  You all know I about died in the pain of all this stuff.…….past tense.

Life is full of blessings.  Our country has the finest people in this city, but we still have much work to do if we are going to identify with wellness.  Your markers matter.  And for me to help folks understand that everyone has stuff to deal with and as a therapist, this I know.  I make a good therapist because I live and authentic lifestyle.  It is called IMPERFECT!

Where are you in life? Are you Imperfect?  Are you selective of where you share your energy?  I am.

Do we feel safe and able to make it on our own?  I have to.  Do we know how to share our thoughts and emotions online in order to help understand the wave of how our children now communicate?  ONLINE!

Do we own a gun?  (Yes, a nice one!).  Legally to and I will be re-upping my carrying permit this next year too.  I like to gun range shoot! 🙂   We still have to interact with humans.

Ladies and Gentlemen, for those of you that have stood by me for three years, in tragic circumstances, I thank you.  For those, I have had to distance from, in spite of Love or willingness to want to see you, I thank you.  For my clients who watched me ebb and flow and are now booking out a year to make sure you are here with me as I with you, I super thank you because you help me pay my bills and budget my time and efforts into downsizing my drama and upsizing my goals.

I always had a vision of a half-way mission.  Half-way to stardom, and all the way to successful.  In doing this, many will reap of the harvest.  Plant where you are welcome in 2019,  and I am going to start planting my ass behind this blog in order to make my next chapter better. I can track it and I can review and learn lessons well earned.

Happy Sunday.  Rain is expected.

In all my Love and Hopes and Wishes, in House 11.

Ms. King

 

#aprilgoals2022

 

“Learning to Live Again. Emotional Detox.”

Learning to Live Again, Emotional Detox is my statement today.  On the first FULL Day of Spring and on the waning side of the 2019 March Full Worm Moon.

Dear Reader,

It is finally spring and I am drudging through, yet one more big detoxification in my life, hands down, post… one of the HARDEST winters known to my physical person, since the day I was born.  Just sayin’ and I have been a bit under the weather the last three days.

You see, as I sit on the top of this Spring thaw, with a nose full of goober and a belly not much different, I send so much love and light the inner workings of my World, and the circle of people there of, for being sooooo supportive and understanding and committed to staying connected with me while I mourned the death of my marriage.

Yet somehow, I managed to stay strong enough to celebrate the new possibilities of what my life could be with friends and family that did support me and stayed close to me in this trial, and, in spite of my acute sense of great emotional pain.  I had to let go of something that was indeed so precious to me (and at one time, it WAS a precious thing to be Mrs. Holly Goodyear), but that is no longer so AND, at this very moment in time, I regret none of it.  Not now, not then and I will not regret it tomorrow.   I do not regret the last 16 years of my life in spite of ALL the misunderstandings, hurts, mis-communications and well, broken things that could not be fixed after whatever “Thing” happened to my once was, home.   I will ONLY spend time in thoughts on the good times, the fun times and the best times we had and seal this coffin of death with a salute for the experience and a greater commitment to the lessons I learned while fighting my way through what seemed in my life to be sheer madness.

At this point in time, Edward and I have spoken, released each other to the wind, and he has returned home.  I am happy that he is able to do this.  This is something HE always wanted and now, is.  May we ALL send positive light and blessing to him and I release all hurt and anger, to the wind to be healed and sealed, so mote it be.   Which brings me to…….

Emotional Detox.

 

As a part of my lesson and journey, I am committed to continue on with something so clear as emotional and also, physical detoxification.

The one clear objective I have as a Licensed Massage Therapist, Yoga Teacher and Reiki Teacher is to teach people how REAL and IMPORTANT it is to take notice of your life, your body, your heart, your mind and your spiritual health and detox when needed.  Can I not get any louder here?  We have to detox our lives now!  It is so necessary for our integrative health and wellness practices that we do this from time to time.

When people do things to themselves such as binge eat, or starve themselves, or stay in a relationship well past it’s expiration date, or use drugs, or alcohol or abuse ourselves or others, most each and every time, there is some form of elemental pain going in the body or the mind.  We need to identify the triggers.

My research clearly shows that the mind, body, emotional connection is critical to the health and wellness of the human being.  My dear reader, here me when I say, much of the information given to me a few years ago, came before the egg.

Meaning, God opened my eyes and my heart and as a healing touch provider, gave me the opportunity to experience my own path of healing and then allowed me to turn right around and use what meant to be for my destruction (aka say some religious folks) and, turn it around for good.  “FOR GOOD.”  

It is the open-minded person who is willing to ask the question, “Is this cake really good for me?  Is this heroine really good for me?  Is this man or woman really good for me?  Are my thoughts and my objectives to serve, really good for me?  Am I doing things for me that ARE, really good for me?”

If the answer is no to ANY of these questions, then you may be in serious need of some sort of Emotional Detox.  Well, how do we do that?

First we admit there is some form of parasitic malformation encroaching on our highest best.  Damn, we have to do what is in our HIGHEST Best in order to be well?  Yes, you do.

You have to admit, FIRST, where YOU are making the mistakes in the process.  Now, you do not necessarily have to fix them all at once, but just notice what you notice.

Are you eating in the middle of the night?  Are you sticking your finger down your throat when you do?

Are you hiding money from your spouse or maybe, not money but clothes that you purchased on credit and yet, feared to show them your glorious bargain because you really did not need that item in the first place.  So you hide it.  And pull it out later, and say, “No, it’s not new.”  Liar.

Are you having inappropriate thoughts about anyone?  Mother, Spouse, Child, Co-Worker, Landlord, BEST FRIENDS, Neighbors?

Is there anything in your life that warrants improvement?

Hammer

 

Well, for me, the answer is YES!

I can improve on the quality of control I have over my statements on social media, my anger, my pain, my body, my mind, my spirit, etc.

I can improve the quality of control need to feel as if I need to fix manage and control everything and everyone else’s lives, even when is it uncontrollable.  (You know, like high-level politics and “ah’hem” certain forms of bureaucratic bullshit.  Or wishing that each day our grown children to adorn you with great words of wisdom on how well you did as a parent or anything you did for them really…..and….Oops…..well, I tried my best right?.  No regrets right?

Right, that is what we have to remember.  The control is subject to the controller.  We did our best right?  No perfect but our best.  Let it be………..

So….. what do I NOW have control over amongst all this rubble?

I can improve on my emotional eating and my self-destructive behaviors when someone else wants something I clearly do no want to be a part of be it work, marriage, dating or parenting.

I can improve my thoughts about my body, my person and my health because……

When I worry, I eat.  When I am tired, I eat.  When I am excited. I eat.  Food is medicine isn’t it Holly? 🙂

Today, I realized more than anything, that crying and eating behind closed doors in such toxic emotional pain, hurt me in many ways, even when I would work out, or do yoga or head to work the next day, and wonder if anyone noticed the swelling in my eyes, because the inflammation was growing and building in my heart, my mind and my digestive tract, of which caused an 8 pound weight gain in about 5 working days.  Yup, I binged OUT quite a few times since New Year’s Day!

But I stopped, I reached for help, I shared some of my pain with my coaching group, then I sought out therapy and now, I am on day two of a juice fast and an intermittent fasting and serious personal prayer mission.

Last Sunday, I decided to go to church.  Alone.  It was indeed and insightful time.  🙂

How many metaphysical and science minded persons have been harshly judged based on their multi-faceted explanations of the paranormal?  Well, I know at least ONE.  (You are looking at her.)  But I was brave and I went back in and I found a church that does not try to control you, but love you where you are.

It was not easy to make my way back into a organized unity storehouse because of some of the emotional things that I had to go through back in “the day” when it came to who held the power of control and how that control was being used to drive the family unit to stay tight in the pew and be subject to listen to some of the hate speech that comes from the pulpit in order to scare someone into submission.

Those past church going experiences truly affected the mental health of my home for years, and not just in one marriage, but also in two.  (And yes, I still love my second husband as much as I love the third one.  And my love for my first husband (even as  17 year old CHILD) is all coextending now based on my affirm definition of Love.

But Religion and Money seemed to be the two things none of us could ever agree on.  (Well, two and three….marriage number one was a quick one so I am not sure what happened but I did get an amazing daughter from it so, no harm no foul….)  But in my adult marriages, these root chakra issues were not dealth with in a healthy way  and they say, a house divided cannot stand.

So now I have to relearn how to Love again, learn to love my body and not binge eat, and learn to find my own belief again in spirit and in truth.

What I know is this.

Love does not harm.  Love forgives even when one is wronged.  Love forgives when you have wronged someone else.  Love transmutes sinful nature and Love will indeed be left behind in the aftermath long after the cowboy has left for the hills.  Love does not fail and is not subject to hate, or control or ridicule or our own, self-explosive fits of rage to get our way.

Love can be a channel for healing and learning and growing and exploring and sensing and nurturing and empowering and equaling the playing field of LIFE.

Love is living and breathing in our connective tissue and Love wants us to come up higher.  Love is Pink Heart Chakra Christ Consciousness.

Love is the only way to clear the rubble once you have begun to detox.  Especially, if it is emotional cellular deep tissue double axis rib containing a shit ton of psoas trauma life event PTSD deep emotional pain.  And, how do you heal that?

It starts with self-love.

So, while I have been a bit quiet lately on my blog and diary, it has not been that I have had nothing to say, it has been that I have been a “Jeckel and Hyde” when it comes to my painful experience of letting go after all these years.  What a traumatic experience for us both.

And I am thankful for those who were there to catch me, friends, family and even my Ex.  He and I have uncovered a lot of our past demons that we were willing to talk about and in ways that no one would believe.  🙂  What a cool person he is to give me such grace as I cried about my present pain with number three…..  Most Ex-Ex’s would say go “F” yourself.  🙂  He did not.  He became one of my best “new” male friends, again.

And right now we both agree, that domestication is indeed NOT the answer we need for our divine friendship and companionship to last, we are both happy about our newly invented friendship and we talk about everything.

Even my upcoming real and authentic date with an 80 year old man, who is COMPLETELY harmless by the way, and was placed in my path at the Social Security administrative office by God…..  (For the record, old people are really cool and we should listen to what they have to say before their knowledge is gone.)   And when you ask God for a lifeboat and he sends you a lifeboat within one hour of your prayers, you go with it.   Gene.  His name is Gene.  We shall see what that looks like.  (All in fun!)

P.S. (I was praying that day about “My upcoming personal work I will call my M & M Experience”)……How to Respect the Hell Out of Men and Money.   Find a healthy relationship with Men and not be married to them nor enable them nor control them.  But Respect them and require the same for yourself.   Oh yeah baby!  There came Gene. Asked me for my number, told me he could teach me the stock market and I knew it was God pulling on my leg to say, “Here you go Holly.”  Are you going to take a chance on something greater than you?  Yup.  I can’t wait!  LOL!!

So, I want to publicly thank Dwane for hearing me cry about my empty nest syndrome, and that more-so includes my worry over the adult children and how we both we share deep prayers for their well-being and health and know they too, have suffered much being children of divorced parents and it shows.  I see their pain from the outcomes but all of them are TOUGH AND TENACIOUS!  They are all four amazing creatures!    Let us all live in love and forgive each other so we can all Emotionally Detox, right babe?

I think for all of us personally involved is critical that we find new ways of healing so exclusivity for me right now is not an option but having a great friendship and love for someone I used to love is just neat as hell.

I have to get out of my head that I am anyone’s wife and I no longer, parent small children of which I get to control………Nope.  I am just me now, supporting my two cats and me and baby, it’s on!

I have committed to myself to go out and live life, and smell the roses and buy myself roses and write poetry and develop a new standard for my practice (The Reiki Station LLC) and let things flow as smoothly as they can.

Being self employed and now single, is indeed a challenge for anyone, much less this passionate and forward thinking broad who wants to expand the practice into a complete mind body wellness practice……. I have to refocus and rebuild and it starts one day at a time.

For my clients, they know…….

I never vowed to be any different than them and what I am working on in my own practice and today, what I am vowing to now, is that I will Love myself first, and if the emotions of what I am doing each day do not feel good to my body, I will not engage.  THIS IS WHAT I TEACH TO MY CLIENTS.  Teacher is always the student when it comes to these things…….we need each other.  They love to come and get massages and learn and grow just as much as I do.  I guess that is why I am so busy.  Praise God for that much right????

March 2019 Spring is the season to allow the worms to come up from the ground so the birds can feast and feed their babies.  (and a Full Worm Moon will draw the parasitic malformations right out of your gut and such….)  This is why I have been on rest for two days and received a much needed seasonal acupuncture treatment and deep tissue massage today, in order to shut off my CNS from thinking too much and allowing my bowels to move properly due to too much constriction on the connective tissues that systemically move the shit along in our body.  (and allow us to move on energetically when we DO NOT WANT TO LET GO!)  My body completely followed suite the last two winters and everything that I asked for came to pass.  It hurt like hell and I had no idea is was going to be SUCH a grand purger but there it was.  Dump station stage left!

Now is the time for us humans, to let go of things that have kept us dead and dry and cold and damp under the Earth and learn how to grow and blossom and become new again.   If your worms are crawling up or crawling out you better listen to OUR mother nature’s cry…..  It is only because she knows best and it is time to feed the babies that need the nourishment the most.  (Parable here……)

With this new Spring, 2019, I am legally proud to become Ms. Holly Elaine King and I am on an emotional detox to never feel beneath or above or outside of my relationships again.  I can now freely speak my truth and become exactly what God has called me to be.  Happy with Myself.  No… matter… what.  🙂

Sat Nam.

Ms. King