May 1st. “Mother May I?”

Power

Yes, Child, You May.

It is May.  Finally.  Not that I want to “rush” my life or anything BUT, since October 1st of last year, God showed me, this would be a Long,  Factomious* Winter.  Full, of drudge.

It was.   I had no idea how serious it was to be, but nonetheless, I made it to May.  You see, God also showed me that Spring of 2019 would be an epic year of coasting and I would start writing again.

Now, it is time to stop chasing after dreams that could be and start to live in the NOW.  In the Now.  And Now, It is May.  It is My. Now. May.

For Kentucky people (some of them) many of them, will be posting about horse racing and Louisville, Kentucky’s shining glory, the Finish Line, May 4th.   Saturday, May 4th, people will be partying and wining and dining, and betting and watching horses (bridled and stuffed with butt rags,) run their hearts out for a crown of Red Roses weighted on their back and Water.

Drinks will be spilling and Louisville commerce will be relishing in visitors and vomit.

I too, will be partaking of vine.  Well, bits of it.   #grateful

“So why be so crude about it Ms. King”?

Well, because I grew up precisely on Taylor and Berry Boulevards.  Yes, I walked the streets of 7th and Arcadia Ave. during the 1980’s and I darted my teen-age fat ass up and down the Americana Apartments watching the street hookers, hook.

One time, I even ran away for 6 hours one middle school day and hid in the complex from my mom (until it got dusky) then I ran 2 miles home, down Sale Ave. hoping not to get kid-napped as I faced the punishment of cutting school.

You know what else I did.  I played video games at the laundry mat behind the McDonald’s across the way from Churchill Downs.  I partied on Central Ave. at age 13 and got an ass whooping (one deserved….) for walking up there at midnight with friends looking like an 80’s chip-a-waw in’gin.  Feathers and Caps and Black Mascara and All.

(May I say in both instanced, my much older brothers caught me and told on me AND good for them.  No 13 year old girl had the right to be walking in the middle of the night in that drunken Derby mess.)  Mother May I?  No you MAY NOT!

My point, I have so many memories of our South End and tens of millions of dollars are funneling through those fantastic TwinSpires this week and the view is one of the the most beautiful sites on the planet and I even worked there for a while as I STRUGGLED to save my family from homelessness while I was in massage therapy school just four years ago.  It was fun.  Hard.  But fun.  It helped pay the bills. 

But recently, when the local facilities representatives had asked me to come do FREE chair massage for 8 hours a day and send two more people to help, I had to unfortunately say No.  “No I May not work that hard for Free as a therapist who barely makes the bills while you make millions of dollars.  No.  No I May Not. Sorry. Not Sorry.

But here is my real beef.  When the race tickets are flying in the air, and the staff are cleaning the stalls full of shit and piss and the horse crosses the finish line and the Uber drivers are counting there tips, (or not), then ask me this poised question when it is all over….

“Ms. King, are there any 13 year little girls running around barefoot on Taylor and Berry, poor and struggling in the ally’s to find healthy foods missing in icebox and is she stepping on heroine needles and listening to the cheer of the crowds on Longfield Ave.?”

My guess, is yes….

Mother May I go out and Play this May?

Mother, “No. You. May. Not.”

Sat Nam.

Truth is my identity.

#foodforthought #gobabygo #citycleanout #whenwegonnaseethetruth #southendgirlrising #someonehastoseeit #ministerymissionyoga #grantmoneynow #changethestreetsafterderbythistime #dosomethingdifferent #mothermayi #yesyoumay #freespeeech #pinkelephants #coffeewiththemayor

 

“Is Sniffly Season Over?” Stop Crying Girl and Wipe Your Nose.

“Is Sniffly Season Over?” Stop Crying Girl and Wipe Your Nose.

Magically, We Move on.  And, well, this message is partially encrypted so only a few know how to follow my ratings for this Super Sunday Musing Mission, welcome April 7th.

Wiping our Nose, from?  Allergies.  Right.  

Allergies onset by Whipped Cream.  And Hot Cocoa.  And tears.  Lots of biter winter tears.

The crying (belly-aching) ensued on or about’s January 5th and, stopped yesterday.  Yesterday, all my trouble’s seemed so far away and it almost felt like Spring.  I noticed my post nasal dripping had begun to slow down.  And my balance and pain and heart rate is wee better.

Now if we can eliminate the belly pain and the tinnitus, we will be just fine.  A bayer aspirin a day helped.  NSAID.  Said What? N- Said What?

Vagus Nerve #10.  Something is wonky with my brain……:)  Duh.

 

toliet-paper

Girl, Blow your knows.  Nose, I mean.  Stop crying over what has been discontinued and start wiping the floor with your #badass-ness.  Did someone say New York City?  New York City.  Grab some TP.  The PTSD will settle over time.  But, it still is a bitch and I could have a bite.  SWEAT TIL YA BLEED

Ok, so nothing Ms. King said above may have made sense to most but the moral of the story is, I have been crying over my divorce and hurt my body emotionally but the healing needs to come so, we are moving on to say, I want so much to go on and on about what happened and why, but it matters no more and if I keep picking at the wound, thinking I will never survive without “him”, then I limit my next chapter.

Therefore, if you want to know the real story you will have to buy my autobiography and by the time I write it, I will be somewhere doing massage in New York.  The book will cost $29.99 with partial proceeds benefiting addiction recovery.  (how is that for specific intentions? 9O)

I want to write more in order to heal.  But my hands are in the practice daily since this is how we pay the bills and make that massage table all cozy for you, blog time is limited.  I am in school.  I have two cats.  I am trying to heal my relationship with my adult children. (Their mom is a Scorpio and Rising.) 🙂  However in the meantime, here you go.

The truth is, the first part of 2019, I have been fighting off some serious heart chakra blues ❤︎ my friends.  I am dreadfully happy to say, my life as a holistic practitioner is remarkable.   If you ask me anything about the body, I am gonna tell you.  Or find out.  I will exercise my way to the top or fall off of Yoga Mountain.  Savasana, IS my favorite pose and I do rest in between working and I have been doing more and more yoga to ease my emotional stress.

As the circle in my life begins to change, I will change also and let go.  I have to start over this April and April is about planting where you are bloomed.  And I am bloomed at home, but would like to travel at some point and share my story of life.

My passion is to see people NOT HURT.  And post-divorce thrice, to say I do not hurt in my heart chakra, is to lie.   But I have to see the bigger picture and some big things are about to change for my office and my health.  I am learning as I go.

I will not let in so easily with Love next time, nope.  But I am currently surrounded by fierce friends, families and clients, who know, that what does not kill you makes you stronger.  Dating is a choice and “I” will be more selective with whom, I spend my time out with.  And besides, I am busy.  I am a fierce protector of my practice and will be focused on the healthcare ladder climb.  Raise the Emotional Flag Ya’ll!  You all know I about died in the pain of all this stuff.…….past tense.

Life is full of blessings.  Our country has the finest people in this city, but we still have much work to do if we are going to identify with wellness.  Your markers matter.  And for me to help folks understand that everyone has stuff to deal with and as a therapist, this I know.  I make a good therapist because I live and authentic lifestyle.  It is called IMPERFECT!

Where are you in life? Are you Imperfect?  Are you selective of where you share your energy?  I am.

Do we feel safe and able to make it on our own?  I have to.  Do we know how to share our thoughts and emotions online in order to help understand the wave of how our children now communicate?  ONLINE!

Do we own a gun?  (Yes, a nice one!).  Legally to and I will be re-upping my carrying permit this next year too.  I like to gun range shoot! 🙂   We still have to interact with humans.

Ladies and Gentlemen, for those of you that have stood by me for three years, in tragic circumstances, I thank you.  For those, I have had to distance from, in spite of Love or willingness to want to see you, I thank you.  For my clients who watched me ebb and flow and are now booking out a year to make sure you are here with me as I with you, I super thank you because you help me pay my bills and budget my time and efforts into downsizing my drama and upsizing my goals.

I always had a vision of a half-way mission.  Half-way to stardom, and all the way to successful.  In doing this, many will reap of the harvest.  Plant where you are welcome in 2019,  and I am going to start planting my ass behind this blog in order to make my next chapter better. I can track it and I can review and learn lessons well earned.

Happy Sunday.  Rain is expected.

In all my Love and Hopes and Wishes, in House 11.

Ms. King

 

#aprilgoals2022

 

“Learning to Live Again. Emotional Detox.”

“Learning to Live Again. Emotional Detox.”

Learning to Live Again, Emotional Detox is my statement today.  On the first FULL Day of Spring and on the waning side of the 2019 March Full Worm Moon.

Dear Reader,

It is finally spring and I am drudging through, yet one more big detoxification in my life, hands down, post… one of the HARDEST winters known to my physical person, since the day I was born.  Just sayin’ and I have been a bit under the weather the last three days.

You see, as I sit on the top of this Spring thaw, with a nose full of goober and a belly not much different, I send so much love and light the inner workings of my World, and the circle of people there of, for being sooooo supportive and understanding and committed to staying connected with me while I mourned the death of my marriage.

Yet somehow, I managed to stay strong enough to celebrate the new possibilities of what my life could be with friends and family that did support me and stayed close to me in this trial, and, in spite of my acute sense of great emotional pain.  I had to let go of something that was indeed so precious to me (and at one time, it WAS a precious thing to be Mrs. Holly Goodyear), but that is no longer so AND, at this very moment in time, I regret none of it.  Not now, not then and I will not regret it tomorrow.   I do not regret the last 16 years of my life in spite of ALL the misunderstandings, hurts, mis-communications and well, broken things that could not be fixed after whatever “Thing” happened to my once was, home.   I will ONLY spend time in thoughts on the good times, the fun times and the best times we had and seal this coffin of death with a salute for the experience and a greater commitment to the lessons I learned while fighting my way through what seemed in my life to be sheer madness.

At this point in time, Edward and I have spoken, released each other to the wind, and he has returned home.  I am happy that he is able to do this.  This is something HE always wanted and now, is.  May we ALL send positive light and blessing to him and I release all hurt and anger, to the wind to be healed and sealed, so mote it be.   Which brings me to…….

Emotional Detox.

 

As a part of my lesson and journey, I am committed to continue on with something so clear as emotional and also, physical detoxification.

The one clear objective I have as a Licensed Massage Therapist, Yoga Teacher and Reiki Teacher is to teach people how REAL and IMPORTANT it is to take notice of your life, your body, your heart, your mind and your spiritual health and detox when needed.  Can I not get any louder here?  We have to detox our lives now!  It is so necessary for our integrative health and wellness practices that we do this from time to time.

When people do things to themselves such as binge eat, or starve themselves, or stay in a relationship well past it’s expiration date, or use drugs, or alcohol or abuse ourselves or others, most each and every time, there is some form of elemental pain going in the body or the mind.  We need to identify the triggers.

My research clearly shows that the mind, body, emotional connection is critical to the health and wellness of the human being.  My dear reader, here me when I say, much of the information given to me a few years ago, came before the egg.

Meaning, God opened my eyes and my heart and as a healing touch provider, gave me the opportunity to experience my own path of healing and then allowed me to turn right around and use what meant to be for my destruction (aka say some religious folks) and, turn it around for good.  “FOR GOOD.”  

It is the open-minded person who is willing to ask the question, “Is this cake really good for me?  Is this heroine really good for me?  Is this man or woman really good for me?  Are my thoughts and my objectives to serve, really good for me?  Am I doing things for me that ARE, really good for me?”

If the answer is no to ANY of these questions, then you may be in serious need of some sort of Emotional Detox.  Well, how do we do that?

First we admit there is some form of parasitic malformation encroaching on our highest best.  Damn, we have to do what is in our HIGHEST Best in order to be well?  Yes, you do.

You have to admit, FIRST, where YOU are making the mistakes in the process.  Now, you do not necessarily have to fix them all at once, but just notice what you notice.

Are you eating in the middle of the night?  Are you sticking your finger down your throat when you do?

Are you hiding money from your spouse or maybe, not money but clothes that you purchased on credit and yet, feared to show them your glorious bargain because you really did not need that item in the first place.  So you hide it.  And pull it out later, and say, “No, it’s not new.”  Liar.

Are you having inappropriate thoughts about anyone?  Mother, Spouse, Child, Co-Worker, Landlord, BEST FRIENDS, Neighbors?

Is there anything in your life that warrants improvement?

Hammer

 

Well, for me, the answer is YES!

I can improve on the quality of control I have over my statements on social media, my anger, my pain, my body, my mind, my spirit, etc.

I can improve the quality of control need to feel as if I need to fix manage and control everything and everyone else’s lives, even when is it uncontrollable.  (You know, like high-level politics and “ah’hem” certain forms of bureaucratic bullshit.  Or wishing that each day our grown children to adorn you with great words of wisdom on how well you did as a parent or anything you did for them really…..and….Oops…..well, I tried my best right?.  No regrets right?

Right, that is what we have to remember.  The control is subject to the controller.  We did our best right?  No perfect but our best.  Let it be………..

So….. what do I NOW have control over amongst all this rubble?

I can improve on my emotional eating and my self-destructive behaviors when someone else wants something I clearly do no want to be a part of be it work, marriage, dating or parenting.

I can improve my thoughts about my body, my person and my health because……

When I worry, I eat.  When I am tired, I eat.  When I am excited. I eat.  Food is medicine isn’t it Holly? 🙂

Today, I realized more than anything, that crying and eating behind closed doors in such toxic emotional pain, hurt me in many ways, even when I would work out, or do yoga or head to work the next day, and wonder if anyone noticed the swelling in my eyes, because the inflammation was growing and building in my heart, my mind and my digestive tract, of which caused an 8 pound weight gain in about 5 working days.  Yup, I binged OUT quite a few times since New Year’s Day!

But I stopped, I reached for help, I shared some of my pain with my coaching group, then I sought out therapy and now, I am on day two of a juice fast and an intermittent fasting and serious personal prayer mission.

Last Sunday, I decided to go to church.  Alone.  It was indeed and insightful time.  🙂

How many metaphysical and science minded persons have been harshly judged based on their multi-faceted explanations of the paranormal?  Well, I know at least ONE.  (You are looking at her.)  But I was brave and I went back in and I found a church that does not try to control you, but love you where you are.

It was not easy to make my way back into a organized unity storehouse because of some of the emotional things that I had to go through back in “the day” when it came to who held the power of control and how that control was being used to drive the family unit to stay tight in the pew and be subject to listen to some of the hate speech that comes from the pulpit in order to scare someone into submission.

Those past church going experiences truly affected the mental health of my home for years, and not just in one marriage, but also in two.  (And yes, I still love my second husband as much as I love the third one.  And my love for my first husband (even as  17 year old CHILD) is all coextending now based on my affirm definition of Love.

But Religion and Money seemed to be the two things none of us could ever agree on.  (Well, two and three….marriage number one was a quick one so I am not sure what happened but I did get an amazing daughter from it so, no harm no foul….)  But in my adult marriages, these root chakra issues were not dealth with in a healthy way  and they say, a house divided cannot stand.

So now I have to relearn how to Love again, learn to love my body and not binge eat, and learn to find my own belief again in spirit and in truth.

What I know is this.

Love does not harm.  Love forgives even when one is wronged.  Love forgives when you have wronged someone else.  Love transmutes sinful nature and Love will indeed be left behind in the aftermath long after the cowboy has left for the hills.  Love does not fail and is not subject to hate, or control or ridicule or our own, self-explosive fits of rage to get our way.

Love can be a channel for healing and learning and growing and exploring and sensing and nurturing and empowering and equaling the playing field of LIFE.

Love is living and breathing in our connective tissue and Love wants us to come up higher.  Love is Pink Heart Chakra Christ Consciousness.

Love is the only way to clear the rubble once you have begun to detox.  Especially, if it is emotional cellular deep tissue double axis rib containing a shit ton of psoas trauma life event PTSD deep emotional pain.  And, how do you heal that?

It starts with self-love.

So, while I have been a bit quiet lately on my blog and diary, it has not been that I have had nothing to say, it has been that I have been a “Jeckel and Hyde” when it comes to my painful experience of letting go after all these years.  What a traumatic experience for us both.

And I am thankful for those who were there to catch me, friends, family and even my Ex.  He and I have uncovered a lot of our past demons that we were willing to talk about and in ways that no one would believe.  🙂  What a cool person he is to give me such grace as I cried about my present pain with number three…..  Most Ex-Ex’s would say go “F” yourself.  🙂  He did not.  He became one of my best “new” male friends, again.

And right now we both agree, that domestication is indeed NOT the answer we need for our divine friendship and companionship to last, we are both happy about our newly invented friendship and we talk about everything.

Even my upcoming real and authentic date with an 80 year old man, who is COMPLETELY harmless by the way, and was placed in my path at the Social Security administrative office by God…..  (For the record, old people are really cool and we should listen to what they have to say before their knowledge is gone.)   And when you ask God for a lifeboat and he sends you a lifeboat within one hour of your prayers, you go with it.   Gene.  His name is Gene.  We shall see what that looks like.  (All in fun!)

P.S. (I was praying that day about “My upcoming personal work I will call my M & M Experience”)……How to Respect the Hell Out of Men and Money.   Find a healthy relationship with Men and not be married to them nor enable them nor control them.  But Respect them and require the same for yourself.   Oh yeah baby!  There came Gene. Asked me for my number, told me he could teach me the stock market and I knew it was God pulling on my leg to say, “Here you go Holly.”  Are you going to take a chance on something greater than you?  Yup.  I can’t wait!  LOL!!

So, I want to publicly thank Dwane for hearing me cry about my empty nest syndrome, and that more-so includes my worry over the adult children and how we both we share deep prayers for their well-being and health and know they too, have suffered much being children of divorced parents and it shows.  I see their pain from the outcomes but all of them are TOUGH AND TENACIOUS!  They are all four amazing creatures!    Let us all live in love and forgive each other so we can all Emotionally Detox, right babe?

I think for all of us personally involved is critical that we find new ways of healing so exclusivity for me right now is not an option but having a great friendship and love for someone I used to love is just neat as hell.

I have to get out of my head that I am anyone’s wife and I no longer, parent small children of which I get to control………Nope.  I am just me now, supporting my two cats and me and baby, it’s on!

I have committed to myself to go out and live life, and smell the roses and buy myself roses and write poetry and develop a new standard for my practice (The Reiki Station LLC) and let things flow as smoothly as they can.

Being self employed and now single, is indeed a challenge for anyone, much less this passionate and forward thinking broad who wants to expand the practice into a complete mind body wellness practice……. I have to refocus and rebuild and it starts one day at a time.

For my clients, they know…….

I never vowed to be any different than them and what I am working on in my own practice and today, what I am vowing to now, is that I will Love myself first, and if the emotions of what I am doing each day do not feel good to my body, I will not engage.  THIS IS WHAT I TEACH TO MY CLIENTS.  Teacher is always the student when it comes to these things…….we need each other.  They love to come and get massages and learn and grow just as much as I do.  I guess that is why I am so busy.  Praise God for that much right????

March 2019 Spring is the season to allow the worms to come up from the ground so the birds can feast and feed their babies.  (and a Full Worm Moon will draw the parasitic malformations right out of your gut and such….)  This is why I have been on rest for two days and received a much needed seasonal acupuncture treatment and deep tissue massage today, in order to shut off my CNS from thinking too much and allowing my bowels to move properly due to too much constriction on the connective tissues that systemically move the shit along in our body.  (and allow us to move on energetically when we DO NOT WANT TO LET GO!)  My body completely followed suite the last two winters and everything that I asked for came to pass.  It hurt like hell and I had no idea is was going to be SUCH a grand purger but there it was.  Dump station stage left!

Now is the time for us humans, to let go of things that have kept us dead and dry and cold and damp under the Earth and learn how to grow and blossom and become new again.   If your worms are crawling up or crawling out you better listen to OUR mother nature’s cry…..  It is only because she knows best and it is time to feed the babies that need the nourishment the most.  (Parable here……)

With this new Spring, 2019, I am legally proud to become Ms. Holly Elaine King and I am on an emotional detox to never feel beneath or above or outside of my relationships again.  I can now freely speak my truth and become exactly what God has called me to be.  Happy with Myself.  No… matter… what.  🙂

Sat Nam.

Ms. King

 

 

 

 

 

 

Merry Christmas Eve and Hello 2019! It The Year of the King! Saying Goodbye to a “Goodyear” and Hello to a New Life.

It ended as quickly as it started.  Or did it?  My marriage.

I look back at how fast I have processed the loss of yet a third marriage but yet, somehow, I have never been more secure, confident and sure in my life that a new day has come.  There are five years of posts here on my site and indeed, I have gone through multiple evolutions of learning with each passing gregorian calendar.  But make no mistake, in 2019, I am going to declare this new life, The Year of the King!  2018 was a good year ( and yes, pun IS intended…….) but it was THEEEE HARDEST ON RECORD IN MY LIFETIME to date but this year has been the one with the most growth and possibility for an exceptionally happy & new life.  Amen.

This is all not to say I do not have an astounding amount of “void” in my heart, because I do.   Astounding. 😦

The good news is however, it is fades more and more each passing day as I contemplate what my life possibly could look like.

Instead of washing my mind with fear and uncertainty on whether I will ever find a Loving Relationship again, and NOT compare it to the one just passed, would seem to be irrelevant said no Scorpio Women ever.  I will start a memoir.

But here is the scoop poop.  I did MY best.  I did what I knew to do with the cup of life I had not only been served, but has participated in ” Co-Creating” a life with another human partner.

Being a spiritual creature and living with another “party,” another human person, and having a crazy martial and spiritual experience, well, it is safe to say that behind closed doors, you NEVER know what one person is facing or even the other.   I have vowed to release any and all “ought and anger” towards another person who is just seeking the same happiness, so mote it be so know, I am happy the chapter has ended.

There.  “A public I forgive you now go be happy moment”.   I release all pressure in the Heart Cakra and I ask for universal mind to place an ending to my saga as Mrs. Goodyear, and as quickly as it began, give me courage on my journey as Ms. King.  Ms. Holly Elaine King.  A new story has begun.

Holly Elaine King has a purpose.  I think she may have located some of it.  At age forty-six and after being someone’s wife since the young and nostalgic age of 17, a new life has emerged.  What will the universe bring her?  What her intentions for success and independence and courage and well-being will be marketed towards others in order to provide a better quality of service for not only her life but life of her practice and clientele.  Corporate and Private.

How will SHE, Holly Elaine King, set her health and wellness success story apart from others who may grew up with access to poor nutrition globally and struggled with the way the public school educated an Empath back in the 80’s in the streets of the south end of the city?

Holly was an alley cat kid, eating corn chips and sugary toxic cereal and hormonally injected cow’s milk.  All Day.  Every Day.  Hey, don’t forget the kool-aide man.

Who could forget about that pancreatically toxic sugary esophogial construction daily dose of red kool-aid? A natural lip color indeed.  🙂

How will SHE, open up doors for others to see that they do not have to stay stuck, or imbalanced or unhealthy their WHOLE LIFE so long as THEY participate in the healing part of their practice.  And sometimes, that means ENDING TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS even when you don’t really want to.  And sometimes that means, you STOP drinking the Kool-aide.

You ka-peesh?  Yes.  You do.

The show must go on.

So I have updated the blog to my new name (and reconstructed my personal muses and want to say Merry Christmas to all.  2019 is going to be beautiful! And I will write on about it all.

Thank you for my family, my friends, my clients, my children, my parents and my loved ones for being so supportive of all my crazy ways and days of making this all work…….  And thank you to my Cats.  I consider myself a possible candidate for a sitcom called  “The Cat Lady King.”

So after a partial social media fast, (lol)…..and three cups of coffee, cheers to you all!  And Happy Birthday today to my Mother, the original Ms. King.  This one right here ya’ll.

Just saying!  I love you mommy!  May we help heal the matriarch line in our DNA and hold great space for the maiden’s in our bloodline.  Long live the King!

Lola

And, Here is to here Merry Christmas Eve blogging and for all the new stories, new poetry, new techniques, new lessons, new friendships and new journey’s that will be started because I threw my shit of life story into the wind and well…..I am still here…..and….  I want to thank Jesus and Santa for my new name for Christmas and Mom’s Birthday.  I love it!  It’s me!  Holly Elaine King.  Daughter of Lola.  Book of 2019 Reconciliations.

Merry Christmas all!

Holly Elaine King

 

“The King is Coming Soon.”

When I look back and I see how long it has been since I have really posted in my muslin passion, aka, my blogs, I cringe.  But, I know that in the last calendar year, I,  have been, trying.  Here is what I have been trying at:

Saving a marriage that no longer is salvageable and it is OK!  We, The Goodyear couple, aka… Ed and Holly or, Holly and Ed… are no longer a couple.  The Divorce is in progress. Paid and, In Progress.  It is Over.

And with “said” situation, The King IS coming soon.

Many of my followers, whether friends, family or “other”, have had a pretty good indication that our marriage has been on the rocks in the last few years and we have officially rolled off the “Mountain” and decided a dissolution is best.

Ed, will move to Montana and live his new life, as a Deaf Man, not married to me, and happily ever after.

I, will not move to Montana and will keep my Louisville Roots, rooted in my mission and continue to do what God and the Universe, has called me to do.

Many are in shock of how the perfect couple for 10 plus years,  could reach year 16 and collapse.  WE GREW APART.

What I mean is, I,  have spend the last 5 years doing immense self work on my shadow and my purpose.  He, man with a really misunderstood invisable disability, has desired to be back home, away from “said city”, with his blood family, and “said martial” energy for YEARS has been OFF.

We, have fought and fought and fought to stick a round peg in a square hole and with one faithful swoop of a pen, have decided to call it quits. You can call it Divorce.  I call it Dissolution.  I am happy for him to go home.  He, is happy for me to stay home.  How rare is it for two people to have shared so much time together to realize, it is over and done like a burnt piece of toast in a Hamilton Beach Classic Toaster? BURNT OUT! 🙂

No arguing.  No contest. No Blame. No shame.

Am I hurting?  You fucking bet I am hurting.  But I am healing and so is “He.”

Am I shocked at the last 5 years of how the energetic blood-bath behind closed doors happened but we were both mature enough to stop it..  Yup.  We stopped it.

Then, we woke up and saw each other in a compassionate light and decided to SIGN THE DAMN PAPERS!

Do I dare Lie and say, I have not had my moments of rage over the last three to five years and how we have had to struggle over money and medical issues and communication barriers and mediumship struggles and Big Fucking EGO’s and marital rights and well, being honest about the whole damn TRUTH, about what make the other one happy?  We both know, no one is at fault.  Ha ha!  A divorce worth fighting for!  Nice one!  THAT WILL GO DOWN IN HISTORY!

I have expressed before powerful rage toward things that are unseen, unexplainable and “un-funny” when it comes to the path we have engaged in.  Many have ignored the cries.  And now, the rage is gone, the powerful egotistical emotions are GONE and PEACE is here.  Oh, the Joy of a New Beginning. Whoop Whoop da Whoop!

So, Couples.  Here me.  What’s Love Got to Do With It?  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing! It is about the Soul Contract.  Nothing More.  Nothing Less.  Let Freedom to be the King Ring!

So, my wish is that you wish HIM well on his new path and my other wish is you will respect the decision from both of us and know, we are not at ODDS but that the story-of how a deaf man and a hearing women could NOT survive the pain and anguish of mental hell over a fucked up governmentally run Veteran owned psychologically mental infused Medical system, the drastic difference in a hearing world and a deaf culture even when they are a LDA (Later Deafened Adult) and. a lack of emotional communication between two parties who no longer jive, when mountain of financial and physical problems seep into a marriage, you have to decide, do you save it and societally,  what is healthy?

Feel me.  We have not been healthy until NOW.  NOW.  We are ready.

You feel me when I say, we, cut the cords of an unhealthy relationship and moved on past the petty, infantry pestilence, that caused two people to stay together over reasons that no longer serve.

So.

Thank you God, for 16 years of fun, and learning and excitement and learning.  Did I say Learning?  Yes, Life lessons learned by that beautiful mother we all can call, KARMA.

So, who is the KING?  I am.  My Mother’s Maiden name was King.  And I, being ready for a new day and a new way, will be taking my Mother’s Maiden Name and I will be changing all things to be the New Person I will be, for now and for long time to come.

Holly King.  My new name to be will Be, Holly King.

How COOL IS THAT!?!

There is a great genealogical spiritual significance in my upcoming legal name!  Yowzer!

Again, no harm.  No foul.  Wish him well.  I am out.  He is out.

We are not in any way shape or form mad or pissed or ugly and we, will be friends but, my new life as Holly King is going to come with a huge blessing at hand.

New Friends.  New relationships.  New Kingdoms.  New Loves.

It is good to be King.  The domain name will change as soon as the paperwork is done.

You will not want to miss the coronation!

In His Love,

Holly King.

 

 

 

Starting the Book!

I just spent 20 minutes on my other social media feed trying to write a profound journal entry about my life and my future intentions.  The Technology world decided not to all me to post amongst all efforts and I hear God telling me to Word Up.  I pasted my entry into my Word documents and NOW, WILL begin the journey of true Authorship.  My Goal is set for 2022 to release this writing of Faith and make measure to mark the journey of becoming 50 and being a Remarkably Strong Woman! I think I am ready.  Goals don’t have to be right away.   If it goes big time I will start a national arts foundation for Young Women and Emotional Mental Health Practices.  That is all.

Namaste.

“The Art of Self-Sabatoge or Self-Preservation?”

I guess the 2am wake up call from the teen-age boy’s chip bag was enough to rouse my muse.  Either that, or it’s the stress of sitting here alone after years of self-sabatoge in my marriage has brought me to a separation.  Oh, trust me.  I am as shocked as you to find I have been sleeping alone now for 10 days.  The perfect couple has lost the battle on the deaf-hearing relationship war.  I guess we can decide later if the out-come is worth fighting for.  It has become a he/said she/said decorum around here and one of us had to create space.  I did.  I asked him to go.  My health and my future depends on what happens next.

The last five years Edward and I have experienced more change than most couples face in 50 years but yet still, we have seen nothing.  We have not lost a child to death, nor a parent yet, but we have lost closeness with our children, jobs and Edward lost his hearing.  In 2014 our gamble to be happy, self employed community workers, did not pay off for us.  We lost our home and cars to financial decisions that “we” both thought were in the best interest of our future.  We had plans to prosper and to become healers and ministers that would do-good outcomes for community as an intuitive couple and my goodness, these two people, who were fiercely in love with one another, could accomplish anything that God called us to do.

Now, I am still trying to figure out what has happened over the last few years that has us facing a long term separation or divorce.   Old time folk would say it was because we got into our “spiritual” closets and started to do mediumship work.  Well, one thing I do know is how I understand mediumship work, I can at least say, when one starts to do deep emotional shadow work, it does change you.

In part, the financial strain of Edward’s hearing loss and the fuck fest of having to deal with the Department of Veterans Affairs for his disability is most likely the knife that has driven deep into the sacrificial lamb we can call “marriage.”  For two years, I have fought an arduous uphill battle to help Edward through the claim process of which should have never been so difficult.  We have stacks and stacks of paper documentation linking his Brain Trauma and Deafness to his service in war.  I could photocopy every single page in duplicate from his medical records and blow your mind on how much pain and suffering Edward experienced in Desert Storm.  And in all Truth, this man has indeed suffered much.

Well, so have I.  I had to watch my husband lose his hearing again for a second time and at first, the Fear was paralyzing.  How would I dare to learn a new language culture and be a strong wife emotionally for a man who lived in a blanket of pain and silence?   Tragically, I had never experienced such a change and nothing prepared me for the painstaking experience to become a Deaf-Hearing Couple.  Luckily for Edward, this is not his first rodeo.  He was deafened from battled and had already experienced a 4 year life as a “deafie.”  But Edward, in his own words, told me how difficult this would be.  He was right.  We are not healing from these losses and in fact, we are self-sabatoging our “marriage.”

So let me spin you there, a “deafie” is a derogatory term for a Deaf Person.    Deaf culture is NOTHING like the Hearing culture.  And Edward has had to navigate thru trying to be a deaf man in a hearing world minus the fact he was not born that way.  He has become “disabled.”  An invisible disability and one that serves a purpose higher than you can image.  He can’t use a phone.  He can’t talk to me from the other side of the room.  I can’t talk to him without slowing down my every thought, facial expression and God forbid I sign something wrong in the middle of a passionate sentence.  His favorite line……”The Word “Suspicious” rings up, “Sassy-Bitches” to a lip-reader.   As a married couple. the things you take for granted become a nuisance.  There is no more sharing music, singing or impromptu dancing at a ball park on a first date.  There is nothing but tinnitus and migraines from the communication barrier and stress because an unemployed deaf man can’t get a job or benefits.  Friends and family try so hard to throw our suggestions on agencies or non-for profits that can help.  Please hear me when I say this in LOVE………..”WE HAVE BANGED ON EVERY DOOR FOR HELP!” We keep falling through the universes cracks.  I am not kidding you.  It would take a lifetime to tell you how hard it has been to find any agency willing to see the truth here and provide ANY monetary assistance to our family.   And that my friends, is why I have been forced to work 60 hours a week for 2 years.

And that was my own fault I guess.  I wanted to save the dream of our practice at all cost.  I, well, Edward and I had a dream at first to be together in our work.  We wanted to work side-by-side and build The Reiki Station as a couple, so Edward chose to pipeline and travel to try and support me while I went to school to get a foundation going for the practice.

I, being pride-ful and self sabotaging, worked and enrolled in every class I could get into, because I realized that in order to be a catalyst for real change in or healthcare system people needed to be educated on how to make that change for themselves.  I spent the last three years, working and educating myself on yoga, and massage, and reiki and food in-take and spiritualism and exercise and trust and values, and the whole time, self-sabatoging my own life I guess.  I did not know that Adrenaline Poisoning existed until I became a victim of it.  And, yes, I have created an Auto-Immune Syndrome for myself.  How in the bitch did that happen?

Well, adrenaline is meant to preserve you in a “fight of flight” reaction.  You know, the saber tooth tiger is chasing you.  In my mind, that translates to “how the hell do we pay the light bill is chasing me?”

As a wife and Mother who was now facing a disabled husband unable, to find quality work for himself, and with all his new boundaries I tried harder to fix the situation. I completely toxified my body with stress and on Dec 28th found myself in the hospital with a pulse rate of 38.  My immune system crashed and my emotions were at the end of the barrel.  And honestly, people say I inspired them but no one has an idea of the pain and suffering our marriage has faced with the last two years of self-preservation we BOTH have had to engaged in.  Well, now you do and I sure don’t feel very inspiring.  At least not at 3am.

Edward is mad at me for being mad at him, and mad at the government for not helping us.  I am mad at Edward for not pushing harder for his rights and resentful that I had to manage 80 hours of claim administration and watch him go through months of mental therapy and felt as if the World was on my shoulders to provide and preserve.  And I want to blame the government because they just send you around and around treating you like the hamster on the wheel that you are.  I would love just one face to face meeting with someone in office who says they Love Veterans.   Prove it to me as a face the loss of my marriage and my husband after 15 years.  I apparently did not get that memo that they really do care.

I was reduced to begging the VA Regional Affairs office to help us with this appeal because our ship is sinking and I was getting sick on Dec 27th.  I BEGGED them to take our documentation and please make the right decisions.  We wanted a lawyer.  The regional VA office, said DO NOT GET A LAWYER.  The doctors said we needed a LAWYER.  The regional VA OFFICE said you will complicate the process.  DO NOT GET A LAWYER.  I tried to get a lawyer.  But I was too busy working my ass off in self-preservation to find new clients for my practice and worrying about how to pay my student loans payments, put gas in my car, pay my rend and even buy roll of toliet paper for my office.   I had become more and more ill and bitter and tired and more than anything, angry with God for the irony in it all!

I though finally found the right path for my life, (and I thought I was going to be in it with my husband as a partner) and then some wild ass marriage problems arose, fighting ensued and I am lost to what just happened after 15 years of marriage.  Who do I blame?  Me.  Just me.  And my shadow.

Did I self-sabatoge along the way and not realize it?  Did I open up a can of worms that would have never been opened had I not sought out happiness?   Did I decide to experience my own healing journey so immensely, only to wake up and see this kind of healing comes with a price?  Just Ask Jesus.

And honestly, I am not really mad at Edward.  He too, is just trying to Self-Preserve.  He and I both need your prayers.  We are lost in the mess of a “broken marriage” and now we cannot be in a room without blaming each other when really, it is no one’s fault.

God allowed us to become so close in the beginning.  It’s nice to know you Love Another Human so much you allow you to see the Shadow for what we both really are.   We are now both just hurting children asking our Father in Heaven for his best practice for our life.  We apparently, have just fucked it all up.

The question now is will our Shadows be healed and will we culturally and financially have to go our separate ways? Did Deaf/Hearing differences destroy us even when we did not mean for them to?   Did I lost this battled of self-preservation though self-sabatoge or am I too, just a victim?  (I don’t play that role very well because I am a born warrior and well, a Scorpio.  Sometimes she has to burn it all down to rebuild it).

And to all who love us, yes this sucks!  But everything we have tried to do to mend our marital fences ends up in some weird form of incommunicatable Self-Sabatoge/Preservation on both parts and we are now a broken home and it does not look promising.   Prayers are appreciated.