It is 4am and I am up. Pacing the floor and holding space for my life and my future. Am I freaking out? Hardly. I am thoughtfully contemplating.
Last week, I contemplated terminating my blog because, well, quite frankly I did not want to spend the $99. But today, I decided that it was not about the money and I am tired of living my life worried about money. The one thing I have learned is a fear of lack is one of the most demonic (or negative) connotations of humanity that I have ever seen. Our country’s foundation was not built on a foundation of lack, so where in the Sam Hill did all this money fear come from?
You see, I had to remind myself that my blogs were as much for myself as they were for anyone that read them. When I started my blog, it was a way to open up my voice and learn to speak my truth, in love and harming none. In 2013 I left my daily grind and set sail on a new journey to “find” my center. “Find my channel and find myself.” And egotistic or esoteric as that may sound, it is the truth. And blogging gave me a sense of belong to a society that cared enough about themselves as much as I did to invest a little something into the Power of Return.
Carnally, Money and Sex have been the two most difficult experience most human beings face. There are other frustrations in life and abuse or severe poverty is a terrible thing but so is mental health and the fact that our lack of awareness when it comes to our patterns and thought processes can be healed. And I may not be the most educated of people, but I think I am pretty safe in saying I have learned A LOT in the last three years and my opening my practice as a therapist comes from raw and genuine life experiences. By adding the gift and service of massage to my table is just the icing on the cake. By helping healers heal the World, I in turn heal. And though most of my healing has been facilitated by a lot of crazy exercise, some hard core corrective eating habits and learning to lean in for support when support is needed, has earned me the title I will post on business (and heart’s) door. Therapist. It’s a big deal.
But truly, with out the opportunity to share my journey online (which is where much of our World lives) I do no think I would have made it this far up the path. Writing has been a life saver for me. I LOVE to write as much as I love massage and learning. Without my “pen” I feel as if my purpose is missing something. I am addicted to dictionaries, encyclopedia and wikipedia! I am obsessed with vernacular and learning new language so apparently God knew that when he threw me into the crash course of Sign Language.
Which brings me too….the blog renewal. Yesterday’s visit clearly indicates that Ed could have permanent damage to the nerves in his ear and is not only clinical difficult to reverse but can progress with more damage later so how to treat. My first indication as a wife is to break out my tambourine, my Bible, smack him over the head and start praying like a mad woman with all kinds of fervor. And thought the last part of that statement is actually true, I have also decided to share my story, as I have in the past, and help others realize they are not alone in their journey and somewhere, someone is going through something similar to you. We are not alone.
Therefore, for those that read and follow my blogs, thank you. I love you. And I hope I never offend you with my words but by golly, we need some hard core truth up in this country. I seek out the truth and the righteousness of man-kind because all this hate and suffrage is ugly and needs to be corralled.
I love you. Thank you for your prayers. Now go have a rock star kind of day!