Greeting ya’ll. This one is going to be a doozy. Sat Nam.
It’sMe. Holly Elaine King Date Entered 2.29.20
It’s Leap Day. I am jumping over a broom.
Actually, not really. I am moving in with a man. A friend really. Gregory.
Gregory has offered to come in and save the day for me. I had to make a few adult decisions recently and after dating my childhood bestie for over a year, I am going to make “a” leap to live with him. Finally. After three false starts. Why?
Well, I am scared.
But I have to make some big girl boss decisions and make a choice to save, time, money and aging investments and move in with him. Also, I do love him.
Love is love.
And he too, has to make GREAT changes for this endeavor. Ten years a man cave. That is is ALL I am going to say about that. LOL:>)
But here is the kicker.
I knew I would eventually come back home to the South-end. That is why I did not up to Montana ya’ll. I fought to stay here. ……..I lost my marriage over it and a few other key tragic events. Empath. Need I say more? Unfortunately for me, I was left with a monster home life mess. I was left holding the bag. OUCH.
And Gregory is a good man. A bit messy so I named him pigpen. Really, it’s Pickle but Snoopy had a friend named PigPen and that is G’s tag now. Messy.
And I am still wounded from my last experience but I need help. It is either loose my apartment or my practice over the mountain climbing (currently trying to climb) or my thriving practice. (My business costs me over 70 % of my income). I am growing this practice into an evolving system of holistic healing arts and I am not about to let go now because my insurance rates are high as are my taxes.
(I am single now) with no dependents and as mentioned before, I have a student loan on my daughter, a car loan, rent, utilities, insurance, more insurance, taxes, more taxes, food, advertising, membership dues and business debt from being the SOLE provider of three humans in the first three years of business. Am I real ya’ll? Yes, I am. Can I get an AMEN for sticking it out! Yes, I can……..:) #bossbitch
And my heart was recently broken. A few times. I work fast. LMAO!
But I have forgiven “He”, who had broken my spirit.
When my ex- left he left me with a mountain of growing debt, a single tax status, a car loan, a student loan and an every evolving practice. Of which, he would be established as visionary responsible. Oh well. Life goes on.
I have to move into a new place in my life and I need to be willing to compromise in order to do good work and to grow as a woman and let my pains go. It is nice to have a friend where I can do that and Gregory offered me a place in his home.
After my divorce not only did I realize I was solely responsible for my self now and my practice and I was alone. I had NEVER lived alone. I ate more sugar this year than the law allows and I sent myself into a dietary debaucher. I inflamed myself with tears and salt, sugar and caffeine, wine and bourbon. (Moderate amounts.) Like ½ of everyone I know. Party on Garth but the fact its, I do not live alone well. I am too sensitive. I need to have a warm relationship to come home too. Gregory feels like me and we see each other 3 nights a week so we are doing to co-exist.
You see, I am at a crossroads in my business and my home and I could only afford to hang on to one of the entities because they both cost A LOT of money. I chose to save the practice.
However flipping 30 massages a week plus running my now marketing, networking, classes and organizations and paying taxes, is all encompassing and I need a personal life as well, and the universe says, “It is time.” Then why am I public in posting this? Because people care about me. I care about me. And I am a writer.
As a woman, I have troubles as such any woman would. We are all strong and weak at the very same time. We are generally gender supportive and resourceful. We work odd jobs, we help the planet heal and we have corporate responsibilities. We need hugs, kisses, nice meals and comfort. We need space to grow and weave and we need companionship or we may die. We may wither away like a weeping willow. We need mortal justice if we have been sexually or emotionally abused and we need friends. (THIS ALL GOES THE SAME FOR A MAN.) JUST SAYIN’
My children are struggling to find their path, I do not like living alone and Loki gets board. Thank you Emily for helping me pack last night.
So, on March 28th out I go. I move back to Beechmont. I gave a written notice to my landlord yesterday. I was scared. (I said that once already.)
Because I am the woman at the well and I think when Jesus said, “Go and sin no more.” He meant, don’t run off and get married again. Try on the bike.
Gregory, “What are you doing?”
That is the statement his mom said to me when we talked last. She said when I was five years old, Gregory would be tinkering with his bike and I would be pecking him on the shoulder asking him what he was doing? I bothered him.
I chased him. From age 5 to 13 he was my heartthrob. If a child could know one. Now that I think of it, he was one of three boys on our street. Opps……lol. J
And now, we are living together. He has PRACTICALLY RIPPED his entire life apart for me. And, if I could count the tears I have shed on his shoulder, you would be jaw dropping right now…..I cry a lot.
But, I think in the long run, living a mad dash to save my business, my practice, my health and my heart, Gregory makes it worth my time to move in with him and try to love again. I love him for his soul and we have a HUGE spiritual connection. We say to each other, “We are cleaning up some weird Karma.” Ok.
We know it.
We know we are as imperfect as they get but we keep running back to each other. I have left him 5 times in one year. Mostly because I have tried to date other people (Like everyone said to do) but I need someone to hold me when I cry. He is an empath too, so here we go. I’d like to call it two independent soul’s co-existing not co-dependent. I am very independent now. I am going against what most clinical shrinks would say is normal. But I am going to save my ass and my practice.
I am also, going to try to love again and help him too. He knows we have a great understanding of boundaries and I have big energetic ones now. I am a woman. Hear me roar.
Trust. Value and Compromise is the key as is dating. How would two “almost 50 year olds” make their way working in this world without some help from our friends. And with benefits. We are not getting any younger. And……
To marry first is tragic. It is. And I am a minister saying that. But with my track record I do not agree to marry first. That is a time bomb waiting to explode.
To not see if you can take putting the toilet seat down EVERY TIME and be ok with it. To clean up a home and plant flowers and mow grass and sleep in a real bed again. Co-existing.
So, what about other opportunities? Is it too soon to say forever? I have no idea.
And I am open with that statement.
I have a boyfriend and I have a business and I have a hurting heart. I still love my second husband and a few other men (in very different ways) and love has only part to do with it. Gregory knows I am broken and that I have a strong heart string when it comes to relationships. I asked God to help me value males this year after my own struggles with divorces and he understands why I am building male friendships as well as female. It is healthy for a woman who has been hurt many times to get to know how guys think outside of marriage.
He, Gregory, is a friend first. We promised this over a year ago when we met again and we are one year out from experiencing much loss.
He lost his Merle.
And his brother. To drugs. (He won’t mind me sharing.)
Our special place will be David’s Grave. David is a Phoenix. Scorpios finest man. I am so glad I got to see him again before he left. David and I have an “understanding” on this plane. Think Mediumship. Yup. He hangs around Gregory. As does his Daddy.
Gregory gets me and my crazy ability to intuit loved ones on the other side. It is a gift. I learned from my ex how important is is to create boundaries for the other side but some I let in. It is for a healing purpose. It is not witchcraft. It is being a channel for love. And we are learning to love. Love. Just Love. The bible says there are a great cloud of witnesses cheering us to the other side. Look it up.
The moral of my mortal story is this. I am moving out, moving up and I am going to bring my energy back to Louisville’s South End. Reiki Reiki Reiki.
Taking the Leap.